PenguinNerd NOW CLOSED

2005-08-04T11:17:00.000-06:00

Blog Number 150 - Plus, New Endings

This, being my 150th post here on penguin_nerd.blogspot.com I have to tell you that this blog is going to be moved. That's right, the secret's out. I have been keeping another blog which was made for only my closet friends as a form of feedback on my life. Apparently my closest friends don't care and my other friends do because all the feedback came from this blog. I'm tired of keeping up with two blogs, especially since they say virtually the same thing.

As of today, this blog will no longer be updated. The URL for the other one is: www.guinsmind.blogspot.com. If you could update whatever it is that brings you here, that would be great.

Much thanks to the few of you who actually did comment, they were appreciated and helpful.

Must go get ready for work now. All of a sudden I'm in a gloomy mood. I'll talk to you all later.

Tschüss.

2005-08-03T09:59:00.000-06:00

Long Awaited Update - Plus, The Goingson In My Life

My apologies for not getting to this sooner, I was having troubles with the internet connection to my laptop and truth be told, blogging was the last thing on my mind.

I took the Compass test (the same test as the THEA only on the computer) on the 29th. That was a great day. I took the Compass, did orientation, met with an advisor and registered for my classes all in three and a half hours. Heh. That was fun. I made a 38 on the math section (I needed a 39 to pass) so I have to take a developmental math class, but other than that, I passed the reading and writing sections with a 97 in each and got a 6 (a passing grade) on the first essay that I have ever written in my entire life! I was very proud of that essay, I wish I could have had a copy of it.

My laptop arrived Thursday sometime, I got it after I got home from work. After much complication, we finally have internet to the laptop through a wireless router and an external wireless card. It took a while, but I'm glad we finally got it done.

Saturday I got mauled by a cat at work. This cat flipped out the instant I touched her and she put up a nasty fight, but I won at last and now realize one of the main reasons why I prefer dogs over cats. She left multiple skin abrasions on my hands, arms and wrists, and a hefty slash in the muscle just under my thumb. Yesterday the gash started looking infected so I scrubbed it with Betadine and rinsed it off with hydrogen peroxide (I was at work) and it looks a little better. I'm not sure if it would better help get rid of the infection to leave the wound alone and let it scab over or to keep the wound open and clean. Anyhoo, the wounds are healing and I'll live, although I'll never look at this cat the same way again.

Josh is coming down this weekend and he, Lara, John (Lara's boyfriend) and I are going to Hawaiian Falls for a double-date. I'm so pumped about it - it's going to be so much fun!

I'm trying to think of anything else...oh! Work is going well. Dr. Roberts is back from Iraq and his first day back in the office was Monday. I was his VA yesterday. He had three appointments all day, and the first one was at 6:10pm. Heh. We sat around almost all day - everyone was slow. Dr. Hunsberger had only a few appointment, Dr. Strauch had a few appointments in the morning, then surgery, then he left. Dr. McCullough only worked from 9-1 and left an hour early because he didn't have anymore appointments. To make a long story boring, we weren't very busy yesterday, so things were easy.

Stephen, the new kennel guy, just happened to be scheduled by himself yestreday evening, and I was the one elected to help him finish. That, and someone had to stay because he didn't have a passcode for the alarm system yet. It wasn't that bad, I clocked out at 9:10 last night.

Well, I suppose I'll that's all I have to say. I'll talk to you all later!

Tschüss!

2005-07-28T11:06:00.000-06:00

Mini Update - Plus, Frustrations With Work

Good news! I got an e-mail Tuesday night that said my laptop had been shipped and that it would be here in two business days. It should be here sometime today. I'm so excited about it coming!

I'm thinking of taking another job. I'm going in for an interview today, although I don't think I'll take the job. It's weird. Whenever I'm at work (specifically kennels) I want to quit. Whenever I'm not at work, I want to stay. I don't know which side of me to believe. When I'm VAing, I'm fine. It's the kennels that get me. There's a whole long list of things that I'm not happy with. I actually made a pros and cons list and there are more cons than pros. I'm not sure what to do. I've prayed about it a little bit (I need to pray more) and I would appreciate it if you could send up a prayer if you think of me this week. I won't go into detail now, but if you think of me, it'd be nice.

A plus though, yesterday I got my scrub allowance (money my boss gives me in the form of a gift certificate so I can buy new scrubs at a particular store) and got new scrubs on my lunch break and I had lunch with my co-worker, Esther, who is in limbo, as I am, on staying or leaving the practice. I haven't had lunch with a co-worker since I started. It was nice. She brought something up over lunch...if we both left, there wouldn't be anyone experienced in kennels anymore. It's the two of us and two newbies. If we left, it would leave the enexperienced to do it and that would not be good. I need a break from all this. Maybe it'll calm down when I start school.

I'm so excited about next weekend. Josh is coming up here and him, Lara, John, and I are going to Hawaiian Falls and to go see Madagascar for a double-date. Lara's all squealy-excited about it and the rest of us are unbelievably excited. I can't wait...it's going to be so much fun!

Sarah's gotten into this kick where if he's out of his cage, he has to be in the same room with me. He'll scream until I'm in the room and if I don't come, he'll fly to where I am and sit there and be quiet. I don't have to interact with him, he just has to be with me. Sometimes I'll be in the same room and my Dad will have him or something and he'll do nothing but look like he's going to fly to me. Sometimes he'll call for me, but most of the time he just flies off of Dad's shoulder and comes to me. *shakes head* He's a weird bird.

I'm going to go clean my room a little before my interview. I'll let you know what I decide about the job later. Have a great day. Tschüss!

2005-07-26T21:56:00.000-06:00

My Little Creation - Plus, Laugh A Little

Something I created when I had two hours to kill at work (we got done early):

YOU MIGHT BE A VET TECH
...if you start cleaning your own house with KennelSol.
...if you start taking Glycoflex (an arthritis medicine) because it really helped your old dog.
...if you can know how much and when to feed your animal to get it to lose weight but can't seem to stick to your own diet.
...if you can go to a dog park and name every breed, including the mixes.
And, you might be a vet tech if "hushpuppies" is no longer a fried food but an everday saying.

Hope this made you laugh! Tschüss!

2005-07-25T21:00:00.000-06:00

The New Guy - Plus, The Other Boring Details of My Life

Wanna know something stupid? Susan, my boss, had a new kennel person, on his very first day, cover for someone else for their shift. *shakes head* That's unheard of. I guess there's a first time for everything.

It was cool though. I walked into work this morning, not especially happy to be there, and as I'm walking past Susan's office to go to the kennels, she stops me and says, "This is Steven. He's on a working interview. Show him around back there, show him what you do and stuff." So basically, I got to train the new guy! He's one of only four males in the practice and the only male working in kennels. I'm pretty pumped about it. It'll be good to have another person in kennels. We need them. If any of you need a job, come apply to work in kennels. It's really not as bad as they all make it out to be! *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Wow. I was hungry. I just ate an entire can of tuna and want more food.

I've worked up my schedule for school. That's kind of cool. Gives me something to look forward to. Work's going to suck once I start school, but you win some, you lose some, I suppose.

I take the Compass on Friday. Don't know what to study for, so no studying will be done.

Josh and I are doing surprisingly well. I didn't think we'd manage to get closer to each other without actually seeing each other. Phone calls do a lot more than I thought. Visits mean more too. By that I mean actually physically being right next to him, holding his hand or looking at him. It's almost weird in a way that I couldn't even begin to describe to you.

Well, I guess I'd better go. It was nice talking to you all again! Tschüss!

2005-07-21T10:45:00.000-06:00

Getting the Laptop - Plus, Peace

I finally found the laptop I want and ordered it Monday. Last night the extra stuff came (a laptop backpack, a travel mouse, and a security lock), so now I really can't wait to get my laptop!

I had the most awful day at work yesterday. If anything could have gone wrong, it did. We didn't have enough bowls for all the cats and dogs (well, we had enough, we just had to wash them before we gave them back to the animals), the ceiling was leaking from a/c condensation, we got locked out of the animal control part of the building, upon the starting of school we'll be shorthanded on kennel people which means more work when I'm supposed to do less on account of school, we just had one person quit and another is thinking of leaving, it's simple chaos. No one who works there thinks we get paid enough for what we do. Some of my co-workers are wondering that with the prices of our services so high, why is it that we don't get paid more or that the things we work with aren't the best quality? They say that the management is cheap but it doesn't come that way.

I agree to a certain extent. I don't know about all that stuff, so I can't really say one way or another, but it sure does feel like my co-workers are right. For instance, it wasn't explained to us that when we work holidays, on the paycheck stub the hours for that day are doubled - it doesn't appear as a standard price. Several of us thought that we didn't get paid correctly. I sat down this morning to try and figure it out. Luckily, I did. In that aspect, work is difficult. Otherwise, it's going as well as can be expected.

Last night at Bible study we talked about peace. We were in Galatians 5:22-25, Philippians 4 (I can't remember the verses) and Mark 4 (I think). The part in Mark we talked about was the event where Jesus and the disciples are going across the Sea of Galilee to the other side. All of a sudden a squall (a phenomenally torrential storm that usually did massive damage to the boat and people) came upon them. The disciples freaked out and went to Jesus, who was sleeping on a cushion the entire time, and said to His face, "Don't you care that we're going to drown?" He told them, "How little faith you have," (there had to be some dissappointment on Jesus' part) walked out onto deck and "rebuked the storm saying, 'Quiet down.'" Immediately this violent storm ceased. Even then the disciples asked who this man was.

The disciples (from their point of view) were staring death in the face while Jesus was sleeping. What was said was the disciples lacked faith that when Jesus said, "Let's go to the other side" that's what He meant. They truly didn't believe that they would make it through the storm to get to the other side. Granted, you tend to lose your mind when you're life is threatened, but if they truly believed Him, they could have had peace about the situation, they would have been able to not freak out.

What it ultimately boils down to is where your focus is. If your focus is on yourself, you'll start to worry about things more, you'll stress out about things that aren't necessarily worth stressing out over, your anxiety level goes up causing patience and love levels to decrease and your irritation levels to rise. But if your focus is on God and your trust is in Him, you'll start to see the fruit of the spirit in your life, love, joy, PEACE.

Another thing we touched on was that fruit in Galatians 5 is not plural, it's singular. You cannot have only one fruit of the spirit and not have any others. They're a package deal. Look at them. It's impossible to have one without the other. Just something I learned. It's amazing what you hear when you're willing to listen. Something Meredith said, "God will always be faithful whenever we let Him be faithful." We have to let Him? How awful are we?

Well, house duties call. Laundry and bedroom and bathroom cleaning await me. I need to get them done, hopefully I can do most of it before I go to work this afternoon. I'll talk to you all later. Tschüss!

p.s.
i didn't know this until last night, but Chex cheers me up! (thanks, Jenny!)

2005-07-18T10:00:00.000-06:00

Ah, Amazing - Plus, The Most Romantic

I went and visited Josh in Austin this weekend. We ate Chinese food, went to Schlitterbahn, watched the Phantom of the Opera twice, played Taboo, ate pizza and all sorts of fun stuff like that.

The best part was how I woke up Saturday morning. Josh came into the room at 5:30 and sat next to me on the bed and told me "happy 14-month anniversary" and asked me if I wanted to watch the sunrise with him like we did 14 months ago. So we sat in front of the window and started watching. 5 minutes later his alarm clock goes off, playing Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply, Do (the "I wanna stand with you on a mountain" song). He told me how much he loved me and sang the song to me while we watched the sunrise in front of the window. It was so romantic I cried.

I had a blast this weekend. Josh got me hooked on a game called Guild Wars. It's an RPG where you can kill monsters, have more than one profession, and customize your character's looks and abilities...it's so much fun! And it's easy to learn how to play as well. The controls are simple and everything. It's awesome! Can you say, next game I buy? Lol.

I'll talk to you guys later. I'm going to go eat breakfast and say hello to my squeaking bird, Sarah.

Tschüss!

2005-07-08T17:26:00.000-06:00

Rock's New Home - Plus, Funny Things Are Happening

Well, folks, Rock has himself a home now. His new owner came and picked him up this afternoon. Funny thing is, I cried. He's not even my puppy and I cried! Josh says it's just because I'm a caring person. I think there's something wrong with me because upon my arrival "home" I found myself missing his little yip when he hears me come into the bedroom. I miss his fluffy curls all over his little body. I miss his cute little face and his little orange triangle ears. I even miss how he'd sneak off with one of my flip flops for a chew toy. *sigh* I miss the little rascal.

Work today was interesting. This morning went by so slowly. I was in a bad mood on my lunch break because of the lack of pace this morning and a co-worker's insistance on being the way she is (heh, go figure). Sometimes I get along really well with Debra and sometimes she really burns me up. Sometimes she flat out pisses me off. I won't get into that though. You don't want to sit here all night reading about it, I'm sure.

Anyhoo, during lunch break I took Rock back to the house (he came to work with me to make it easier on his parents) to be picked up by his new owner, hurried over to Arby's to pick up lunch and rushed over to work - I barely made it back on time. The afternoon went by rather quickly, which is a good thing. I was ready for that day to be over. I got kind of frustrated towards the end of the night, but not near as much as earlier.

I didn't tell you my fun from yesterday, did I? Heh. Well, I went in for my regularly scheduled shift which started at 1:00. The first appointment was a Rhodesian Ridgeback (for those of you who don't know how big they are, think small Rottweiler, big Lab size). This dog was so scared to be in the vet's office. Debra, my nurse for the day, asked for my help as VA for her, to hold the dog while she got blood and a fecal. I'm holding this dog, after prying her away from the wall just enough to fit my body between her (the dog) and it, and just as Debra puts the turnicate on her leg, the dog tries to get me off of her and runs me into the decorative molding along the wall. No big deal, I'm ok. I get a better grip on the dog (for fear that my restraint wasn't good enough) and Debrah tries to get the blood from the dog. The owner, Debra and I are all sweet-talking the dog to try and calm her down. The dog tries to get me off again and slams me straight into the molding again, about three times as hard as the first time, making a very loud bang as my head hit the wall.

Everything went black, my eyes started to water, Debra started talking to me, I regained my vision, I realizeed what just happened to me, and from then on all my attention went strait to trying not to cry in front of the client (the owner of the dog). Debra had me go sit down and gave me an ice pack to put on the already growing knot on my head. I sat there, still in shock of what happened. My head started to hurt really badly, so I went and took an Ibuprofen for the pain and swelling. It never did help the pain, but the swelling stopped about an hour after the incident. I hit my head at 1:45. I started getting really sleepy about 2:30-3:00, about the same time the swelling died down.

My left leg from the knee down had been very sore in the muscles. I just blew it off as a weather thing since a few other co-workers were having the same intramuscular pain from the weather. Ever since I hit my head, the pain became gradually worse througout the day and had spread past my knee into my thigh and eventually into my hip. The pain was so bad that I was limping around the clinic not putting pressure on it (even though it still hurt like crazy).

Labling my injury as a mild concussion, I took the necessary precautions. I had Josh call me 20 minutes after he told me to go to sleep to wake me up. He also (voluntarily) called me two or three times during the night, then again to wake me up in the morning. I left the back door unlocked overnight just in case and told my Mom that I would do so when she had come to rescue me (Seanathan abandoned me) from a dead battery after work.

I've had a mild headache all day long with off and on severe headaches. Sometimes it'll hurt very intensely for about 10 minutes, then it'll go away. My leg hasn't hurt since last night. Odd, huh?

After work tomorrow I'm helping Lara watch two kids that she's sitting. We're going to Hawaiian Falls. It'll be interesting, I'm sure, considering one kid is 10 and bringing a friend and the other is 2. Heh. I'm so lucky *said in the most sarcastic tone possible* I'm sure I'll have a good time. If not, I always have no work to look forward to on Sunday!

Well, this thing is long enough. That, and I want to go cross-stitch some more. I'll talk to you poppets later.

Tschüss!

2005-07-03T11:21:00.000-06:00

You Know What? - Plus, Fun Stuff Happening

It's really hot outside. I don't normally sweat and even I have beads along my dainty brow. Yuck!

Anyhoo, chores are done.

Yesterday at work I got everything left on my check-off sheet signed, I watched the last video, studied and took my test...and made a 96! That means that I am completely done with my check-off sheet and that means that if that was the only thing keeping me from being hired, I GET TO KEEP MY JOB!!! I'M ALL FINISHED!!! *Dances around room* Knowing my luck, when I meet with Susan on Tuesday, I'll be fired for some other reason. Heh. Ah well. At least I did what no one else has done, 1)finished the check-off sheet in 6 weeks (with two days to spare!) and 2) got a 100 on the hardest test of them all! I even got mentioned in the staff's monthly newsletter for it! I haven't celebrated yet, but I will sometime soon. Maybe I'll go have dinner with my parents some night this week (boy, do I love saying that!)

Rock is laying in my lap and when I looked down at him, his chin was resting on my arm and he was looking at me with his adorable puppy eyes. It was picturesque! He's so cute!

Yesterday Lara and her boyfriend John came over and swam for a half hour. Then we went to Taco Bell, then went to see War of the Worlds at AMC. If you asked me how the movie was last night, I would have said it was a very intense thriller, borderline scary. If you asked me now, I would still say a very intense thriller, but I wouldn't call it scary. It was a good movie, very well made. The ending sucked, but to find out why you'll just have to watch it. The graphics were amazing and the CA (computer animation) was the best I've seen yet as far as realism goes with humans being picked up and that sort of thing. The movie really gets you into it, even if you don't normally get into movies. I do get into movies and for a couple of hours, reality slipped completely from my mind.

This is a good date movie. The guys sit there and say to each other, "Heh. Cool graphics. Hey, look! Something just blew up and now that car's on fire!" and the girls cling to their boyfriend's arm the entire time, doing exactly what the guys were hoping they would do. I liked this movie and plan on seeing it with Josh when I go down there in a couple of weekends.

Christina and Angela are going to spend the night tomorrow night. That'll be fun. And don't worry, I already cleared it with Angi. We're going to swim and watch movies and laugh and play and sleep...it's going to be great! I'm going to make macaroni and cheese and cut open the watermelon and we'll have ice cream...speaking of which, I'm going to go get some right now!!!

Tschüss!!!

2005-07-03T10:02:00.000-06:00

More Better - Plus, Life Is Grand

Ok, hopefully this post won't be near as depressing as the last one. I was in an emotional state (a bad one) when I wrote that. Feel free to ignore it.

Life at Angi's house is great. Aside from the fact that I don't have computer games or schoolwork to keep me company, everything's going great! The dogs are wonderful, aside from the occasional chewing of the plants by little Rock (the 14-week-old puppy). They play with each other and are very content with my presence. Rock took a nap with me the other day and the other night he slept contentedly by my side as I cross-stitched.

I don't know how that reminded me, but I just remebered that I have to do chores...get mail, water plants, brush pool...I'll be back in a bit.

2005-06-28T13:38:00.000-06:00

Peeking Through the Window of Her Mind - Plus, It'll Be Ok

I love my church. We have nice people, good, solid teaching, our Sunday School lessons come straight from the Bible and not some curriculum from Pennsylvania or Arkansas, the people there truly love the Lord and want to serve Him.

I've been struggling with my walk with God for about a year and a half now. I've gone to various people for help and they all gave me the same advice. I asked for help with the advice and they gave it again. I asked God for help when I started seeing myself slipping. I kept sliding down hill and moved further and further away from Him. Friends, family, deteriorating relationships that my friends or I were going through, trips, the little things in life, things kept coming and I knew I needed to trust Him. I thought I did. I got to the point where I was falling into a hole. Not knowing what it looked like, what it felt like to trust God only exacerbated the situation. I finally hit the bottom of the hole. Hurting, I struggled to find out a way to get out. I'd look up at the small hole of light, the only source of light, the opening to the hole I'd fallen into, and wish for a way out. Like a baby learns to stand, I'd grab onto the wall and barely pull myself up, sometimes to a standing position, give up, say it's too hard, and fall back down. I'd sit there, frustrated that I can't do the easiest things. I'd whine and complain to myself all the time about how bad my situation is.

Sometimes people would call down the hole to me and ask me if I was ok. Certain people I would say yes to, just to be polite. Others I would desperately ask for help. Some ignored my request and walked away. Some sent down a rope, but it never came far enough for me to reach. One built a ladder that reached all the way down to the bottom of the hole. He told me to come when I'm ready, that He'll be waiting for me when I get there. Noticing the ladder is one thing, climbing it is another. I'm working on climbing the ladder. I know what I'm supposed to do, I know how to climb the ladder, that's not the issue. It's fitting it into everyday life that's hard.

If it weren't for the people at church, I wouldn't have even noticed the ladder. I would have been so focused on myself that I would have missed it completely. These people were like a flashing arrow pointing through the dark to the ladder, my way of escape from the dark and lonely hole. They are my encouragement, my motivation to perservere and be strong. They help me do what I should do alone, but can't find the strength to do it.

The past two weeks have been the best weeks of my spiritual walk in at least a year. I have grown in how I think and how I view things. I'm watching them through glass windows. I'm listening to what they say to each other, especially about God. I feel like I'm a recovering skeptic. I watched these people at church and saw the ones that were constantly talking about God and every other word out of their mouth was how God did this for them and God saved them in this situation and found myself not happy, but intstantly bitter and angry at His name and the way they used it. These people I dubbed "overly Christian" and found that my anger wasn't necessarily towards them, but at myself and my situation. I still find that people that are that way are annoying - I'm happy for them and all, but they can talk about other things. You can thank God for what he's done in your life and tell others about it without being so repetitive. I almost hate to say that, but it's the truth. Sorry, long rabbit trail. I'm working on it.

Now when I see these people, they help me realize my situation and while they don't tell me how to fix it (I haven't asked them), they do help me to do so by pointing to Him. I'm not really sure what's going to happen, but I know this: God has His plan for me. I am taken care of. Although I'm not where I'd like to be (who is?), I finally realize that it's ok. It's ok to go slowly. I don't have to be some super Christian. I can have problems. As long as I still acknowledge that God is the only cure and let Him be such, I'm ok.

That's what has been on my mind recently. I have to go get final details for tomorrow...I'm housesitting for a friend for two weeks. Have to go get Clifford inspected so I don't get a ticket for being so far out of inspection. I'll talk to you all later. I will have internet while I'm there and I'll try and blog as often as I can.

Tschüss!

2005-06-26T08:01:00.000-06:00

100 - Plus, Special Rewards

I don't really feel like updating, but I have to tell you this...

I took another test at work on Tuesday (the 21st) and made a 100! Perfect score on the second hardest test! When I told my boss, not only was she encouraging (yes!!) but she said that she didn't have any records of anyone else making a 100 on that test. So not only did I ace it, but I'm the only one to ace it!!! Score! (no pun intended)

Tschüss!

2005-06-21T19:36:00.000-06:00

Possibly the First Time In My Life - Plus, Oreo's Ordeal

I PASSED MY TEST TODAY! I GOT A 94! Which means...I GOT AN A!!! That's probably the first time in my entire life to get an A on a test. I was so happy I was crying. Hooray!

I get home and Mom tells me on her way out the door to look at Oreo's leg and that I need to change the bandage. I take him in there and look at it and oh my goodness. It used to just be a surface sore, about 1/2 inch wide and 1 1/2 inches long, looking irritated and possibly infected. The surface sore part is healing and looks a lot better. The bad thing is, even though he has an Elizabethan collar on (a hard plastic cone that goes around his head) he's still trying to lick the sore. There's a gash in it now, shaped like a V, and bleeding. Not profusely, but bleeding nonetheless. When I bandaged his leg I noticed that there's more to it. Where the bottom of the V is, there's one edge that goes farther down, looking more like a lowercase Y - y. He needs to go to thet doctor. I'd call them and take him now, but we can't afford to take him in and pay for all the treatments. Sometimes being poor really sucks! If I could afford to pay for it, I would - out of my own money. I feel so bad for him. I wish there was something I can do.

Ok, in an attempt to make my mood lighter, I'll tell you my plans for this weekend. Josh, about 2 months ago, invited me to go to his family reunion with he and his family. This Saturday is the reunion and it's going to be a blast! I am so unbelievably excited about it! We're going to go swimming, eat food, see family members that we've never met before, all sorts of fun stuff like that! *grins and laughs* It's going to be a blast!

That's really all I had to blog about. Oh, and one more thing...

I PASSED MY TEST!!!

Tschüss!

2005-06-21T13:21:00.000-06:00

Unfair - Plus, The Hopelessful Situation

If crying could fix things, I'd be golden right now.

My work situation feels impossible. I'm fighting a wall, here. No matter how hard I push on the wall, it's not going to budge. This is how it feels. The reality is that if I keep fighting the wall, I can break a hole in the concrete just big enough for me to crawl through...but I have to fight and fight and fight to no end. I feel like the only thing I'm fighting for is my career, and I could live without that.

I want this job so badly! But I want to give up. I start thinking that I really can do this, and then I talk to Susan (my boss). One 5 minute talk with her can ruin my entire day. I wish I had known that the little check-off sheet meant so much. I wish I knew that it determined whether or not I had a job at Highland. I wish so badly to rewind time knowing what was ahead of me. If I had known it was this important, it'd be completed by now.

I wonder if she's making it difficult for me on purpose. I wonder if she thought she made a bad decision by hiring me.

You must be strong, Julie. You can overcome this.

2005-06-21T10:42:00.000-06:00

The Puppy

Oh, and by the way, the puppy made it. She's alive and well now. Her sibling had to be put down, but she's just fine.

2005-06-21T10:35:00.000-06:00

Grrness - Plus, 13 Years

I just remembered that I need to get in to work today (today's my day off). I have a video that I haven't finished from yesterday plus three more to watch today and take another test. Grrness. I really feel like giving up. If I didn't want to work there so badly, I wouldn't care - I would've given up already. But I want to work there so badly, and I'm afraid that I won't get to. I was asking people all day to help me so they could sign off on things and I didn't get a single thing signed off. I'm going to end up doing everything on Thursday morning again and I don't want to do that. Grr. I wish there were an easy way out of this.

Yesterday after work and picking up Wm, Chris and I went to Chili's for dinner and then went shopping after that. We went to Kohl's and I got three shirts. We went to WalMart after that to look at laptops since I'm wanting to buy one after I housesit for Angi and they didn't have them out. The lady said, fairly rudly, that they didn't keep them out, that they were always locked up and weren't ever out on display. That's what I get for going to the Lewisville WalMart. Ah well.

Shopping with Chris was fun. We haven't hung out in a while and I really enjoyed her company. She's such an awesome woman. Very mature and godly. She's amazing. You know, having a best friend for 13 years and managing to still be close is awesome. It's a great feeling to know that someone will always be there.

We're going to see if the "original four" of us (Kelley, Chris, Ang and I) can have a sleepover sometime soon. That'll be fun. I like hanging out with them. Who knew I'd still be friends with all four of them 13 years later? I hoped it would happen, but things like moving happens a lot to little kids. Ah well. Time to plan the party!

Tschüss!

2005-06-17T21:05:00.000-06:00

Could I Be More Of A Mixture? - Plus, My Weekly Adventure

I am so happy yet so sad. All at the same time.

So my interesting work story for the week happened this afternoon. A 7 week old chocolate lab puppy was brought into us. The chief complaint: bloody diarrhea and vomiting. The first thing we think: Parvo.

For those of you that don't know (which is virtually everyone), Parvo is a virus that attacks rapidly dividing cells, i.e. the intestinal wall. When the dog vomits or makes a bowel movement, the virus moves in and further irritates the intestines, only making the dog sicker. Parvo can be cured if caught in time. If not, it can kill the dog. Now that you've been briefed, back to the story.

We drew some blood and tested the puppy for Parvo. The test came up negative. Even though this test is 95% accurate, there have been a few rare cases where the test came up negative and the dog was infected with Parvo. We did a fecal on the pup (examined her stool under a microscope) to look for things like Giardia that could have meant a different disease with similar symptoms. The fecal came back negative - we didn't find anything. We were still leaning towards Parvo as the source of ailment for this poor puppy.

When Dr. Hunsberger was in the room with the patient, talking to the owner, she noticed that the puppy was jerking around. They decided it was a dream rather than tremors because she woke herself out of it and was fine. If the shaking was tremors, then Distemper would have been the leading suspect.

I'm not exactly sure what the Distemper virus does, but I do know the symptoms. It's basically just like Parvo, the bloody diarrhea and vomiting being prominent. Distemper can also affect the nervous system, causing permanent damage to the dog, assuming it lives. Distemper can be cured, but most often it results in death.

So now we're not exactly sure what's ailing the puppy, either Parvo or Distemper. Either way, it's not good. We're going to treat her on Monday for Parvo, but she can't stay the night with us because she needs observation and there won't be people here this weekend. We referred her to an emergency clinic in Carrollton, that's where she is now. I don't know what'll happen to her, but I certainly hope she lives.

It was interesting. We couldn't handle any other puppies or dogs that hadn't been current on their vaccinations because if the puppy did have either of those very contagious diseases, they could get transmitted to the other animals. That meant that everything we (Debra, my OPN-Out Patient Nurse, the doctor, and i) touched had to be disinfected to kill the virus so it didn't spread to other animals. Our clothes needed to be disinfected, the hospital had to be disinfected...everything. I have my clothes and Dr. Hunsberger's clothes here to get decontaminated. You have no idea how freeing the shower was when I got home. I could finally touch something without having to make a mental note to spray it down with Lysol, I could sit down without having to worry about disinfecting it later. It was great! That was my adventure for today.

I'm so excited...Josh is coming into town this weekend for Father's Day. We're going out Saturday night. We're going to go see Cinderella Man. It's going to be great fun for everyone.

I'm exhausted, so I'm going to go to bed. Should have been in bed by now, but eh. I'll talk to you all later! Comment, please. I really do like hearing from you.

Tschüss!

2005-06-15T09:15:00.000-06:00

Glad I Made It Home On Sunday - Plus, Truck Troubles = No Fun

Driving to work this morning, I turn out of my neighborhood and start accelerating as usual. As you all know, my truck is a standard, which means that the faster you go, the higher gear the truck needs to be in in order for it to work properly. I depress the clutch to shift into third gear. It starts to go, then something inside locked up and I couldn't get it to go into third. "I'm going up a hill, I need steam here, I'll shift back into second" I think to myself. I met with the same fate when attempting to shift into second gear. The clutch is broken. I managed to get up the hill and into the parking lot of the small strip center at the end of the road, put the hazard lights on, informed my Mother of my situation and walked the short 10 minutes home. Joy beyond all comprehension, we're back down to two cars.

The best part is though (sarcasm) is that my Mom and brothers went to take the company van back to work...in Addison. They left 15 minutes before I did, so I am now stranded here at the house and unable to get to work at the time I wanted to be. According to my boss, I don't have to be there until 4 tonight, but I wanted to be there at 9 this morning so I could work on my check-off sheet stuff that I have to have all signed off by tomorrow. I have videos to watch and a test to take that I've already failed twice. There's nothing but fun here with Julie! *sighs miserably* Maybe I'm not supposed to work there. I don't know.

I don't remember if I put this in my last blog, but Lake Dallas Veterinary Clinic called on Monday asking if I wanted to come in for an interview. I called them back to see what they were looking for...it's kennel positions. I tried to find out what they paid and if there was any advancement in training opportunities like there are at Highland, and the lady said that she didn't know, that the woman who usually did the interviews was in the hospital but that she'd be back tomorrow and give me a call. I never got a call yesterday. Ah well. Unless they paid a lot more and I had opportunities to advance like at Highland, I wouldn't want the job. Believe it or not, I like it where I am. God has His plans...I just wish I knew a few of them.

I'd better go before I depress you all. I'm actually in fairly high spirits considering the circumstances. I just really want to be at work right now.

Heh. Sarah's cute.

Tschüss!

2005-06-14T19:43:00.000-06:00

Work Troubles - Plus, Random Questions

I hope I get to keep my job. I have this stupid check-off sheet that I have to have finished in three weeks or I lose my job. I don't know if I'll have the time to finish this one next week, although God is gracious and has helped me out.

My schedule this week is this:
Wednesday - 7:30-18:30
Thursday - 13:00-20:00
Friday - 7:30-18:30
Saturday - 7:30-12:00
So the only time I'd have to work on check-off sheet stuff is throughout my lunch break on Wednesday (I have a three hour lunch break) and before work on Thursday. The catch is, I have to meet with my boss on Thursday with everything checked off. Heh. Anyhoo, my co-worker called this morning and asked me if I was working tomorrow morning. I told her yes, and her response was, "Would you like a day off?" I agreed since that'll give me time to work on my check-off sheet instead of working back in kennels. Woohoo! Thank you God!

Random questions maybe you can help me answer: What is the plural of Moose? If a turtle loses it's shell, is it naked or homeless?

Tschüss!

2005-06-13T15:25:00.000-06:00

Amazing Weekend - Plus, The Drive Down

Wow. I have had the most amazing weekend ever. I left my house at 13:30ish, got gas and was on I-35 at 13:40. I arrived in Georgetown (on the outskirts of Austin) just over three hours later at 17:10. I visited with Josh's grandparents, Nana and Paw, until Josh got home from work about an hour later. Wow. He walked in the door and I couldn't breathe. I hadn't seen him in so long (I know, a week-and-a-half, but I'm a wimp), plus he looked gorgeous with a ponytail. Oh, it was so good to see him! That night we had dinner with Nana and Paw, then we played DDR, watched a movie and went to bed.

Saturday, we had breakfast at one of the two restaurants in Sun City (it's a Seniors only golf community like Robson Ranch, for those of you who know what that is) for breakfast, then went on a tour of all the "attractions" at Sun City, a workout center, an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, a crafts center, a Chevron, a dentist, a grocery store, they had everything in there. They're even building a theatre! It's so cute, too. Everyone drives around in a golf cart whether they golf or not. After the tour we went back home, Josh and I got our swimsuits on and headed out for a place called Barton Springs. It's natural springs that have been made into a pool. The kicker is, the water is 68 degrees year-round. Chilly, but fun. This pool is huge, too. You could fit probably four Olympic pools in this one pool. It was massive. Anyhoo, we were there from about 13:30 to 18:30, so about five hours. We went home, watched a movie, then went to bed. I didn't sleep very well that night...had real weird and scary dreams that kept me up.

Sunday morning was church. Heh, that was interesting to say the least. It was an interdenominational church that taught nothing definate. Our toddlers get more meat from lessons on Sundays than anyone in this church ever would. To make matters worse, the preacher didn't know his Bible. Heh. I bit my tongue through most of the service. Needless to say, I'll be sending Pastor Tim's sermon notes with Josh's letters every week. After church we went to the Wild Fire for brunch and boy howdy, it was good! I had felt a little sick in the morning, but I went to church anyway, and it went away by the time we ate. Josh and I had thought about going to see Cinderella Man, but we decided to watch a movie at the house instead, since we'd been out almost all day yesterday. We went to the neighborhood barbeque at 16:00, drove the golf cart around, walked a little bit on a "nature trail" and had some great barbeque. On the nature trail Josh and I saw a doe nibbling off of a bush. On the way into Sun City I saw at least four deer, all female. Three were together, running into the brush on the side of the road and one was standing in the middle of the road looking around. Anyhoo, we left the barbecue a little early because I didn't feel good and I had to put my stuff in the truck and go home. I felt so horrible - I felt like throwing up. I was debating staying the night and driving home the next day, Nana and Josh had said I could do that if I needed to, but I knew Mom would have my hide if I told her that I was sick so I wouldn't be coming home until the next day. I decided to go home even though I felt horrible. Josh went inside to get some water for me and I couldn't help but lean over. Even though I just ate, nothing came out. It was only more dry heaves. Josh got back, we said goodbye, I attempted to start the truck. It would crank, but never start up. I changed the oil, then tried to start it. It started, I said my goodbyes again, and then I left. Josh called me about five minutes later saying I had forgotten a shirt. I went back for it, asked where I could find Diesel fuel, got directions, and said my goodbyes once more. Finally, at five till eight, I left the quaint little house and headed for the gas station. I fueled up and was on my way. I had to text message Josh to keep myself awake and from getting sick. I called him between Corsicana and Dallas because I couldn't keep my eyes open even with the radio on and me looking around and doing things to keep myself awake. I got into Corinth and we hung up so he could get ready for bed. I got home, carried all my stuff into my room, threw it on the floor, got into bed, and as instructed, called Josh back. Ten minutes later I was asleep.

I thought I could go to work this morning, but I got a really bad wave of nausea and had stomach pain that made me double over, so I called in sick. I really tried to be strong and get to work, but I couldn't hold out any longer. That drive took it out of me. I still feel kind-of queasy, I've been able to hold down toast. Sleeping for 12 hours helped, too, I think. I'll be at work tomorrow if I can. I'm not scheduled to work, but I have to get some things done before Thursday or else I can't keep the job. That's why I wanted to be at work this morning. Ah well. If I'm sick, I'm sick, right?

I'd better go rest. Sitting up for so long is making me dizzy.

Tschüss!

2005-05-31T16:22:00.000-06:00

The Dreaded Day in May - Plus, A Look At My Most Recent Thoughts

Well, folks, he's gone. He left at 13:30 this afternoon. I was strong and didn't bawl like I wanted too. His Mom told me not to cry so that she wouldn't cry. She did well, I couldn't see any tears, but her face was red and getting redder. She probably cried when she got inside the house. (She stayed home while Josh, Josh's Dad, Austin, and Lindsey went down there) I couldn't hold it in once I got in the car. I cried, especially as I watched him drive away, realizing that what I just saw of him would be the last time I see his face in person for two to four weeks. He's coming back for his family reunion on July 25 and he invited me to go, so I'll see him then. I cried about half of the way home.

These tears I shed aren't for me alone. Yes, I'm sad that I won't see him often, but they are more out of proudness of him, but also excitement and anxiety for him. He'll miss me as much as I miss him, but he's a man, and men don't cry...right? Just kidding Josh. I know men cry. It's a manly thing to do. I'd better not get into that.

He's gone, and I can finally move on. Not that I want him to leave or anything, but he has to in order for my anxiety over his leaving to finally dissipate. Yeah, I'll miss him incredibly, but he'll be back to visit, and I can learn to cope with him being more than 20 minutes away. It'll be hard, but after a week or two hopefully I'll adjust and be able to take my summer slowly.

That's my plan for summer. Take it slow. Spend time at home, hang out with friends, finish my schoolwork, just slow down and relax. There were times this past fall when I wanted to just drop everything and stop. I was good and kept my commitments, hoping that I was doing the right thing. I want my summer to be as slow as possible this year. Enjoy every day for what it is, lounging around and drinking lots of Sunkist. My goal this summer is to be bored. To be stuck at the house, friends can't hang out, brothers off doing their own thing, Dad monopolizing the t.v. in the living room, and everything I can think of to do won't seem entertaining. This may sound odd to you, but if you knew how busy and stressed I've been lately, you'd understand.

I'd better go now, but before I do, Brent, the reason I didn't apply myself is because I needed my parent's financial information to do so and I apologize, but I don't know those things...at all. I filled out as much as I could and bugged my parents to do the rest. I know I'm an "adult" now. I did as much as I could. Now I shall go.

Tschüss!

2005-05-30T19:40:00.000-06:00

The Last Day - Plus, Other Goingson In My Life

Well, folks, this is my last full day with Josh. He leaves tomorrow at noon, and will be gone until the end of July. He'll stay home for a month before he goes back to Austin for school, so that's good. If I didn't have to work on Wednesday, I'd drive down there with him and his family, but the fact of the matter is, I have to work and therefore a trip down there is too much effort. Actually the only reason I'm not going is because my parents won't let me go if I don't bring my Mom or John with me and I'm not taking John and it'd be awkward for everyone if my Mom came down there. That's the only reason I'm not going...I don't mind making myself tired, it doesn't bother me as long as I can sleep in on Thursday. But all that doesn't matter anyways.

These past few weeks have been rough and I know the next few to come will be stressful as well. Getting used to not having Josh 20 minutes away from me will be hard. Getting used to the fact that more than likely I'll never see Tracy again. Life is hard sometimes, you know?

I'm planning on taking Josh to New Braunfels in a couple of weeks and taking him to Schlitterbahn. I went there a lot as a kid and in my mind it is the best water park you can find. Nothing beats the quaint German town surrounding the ever-expanding water park, the historical sights and the beautiful scenery. The original section of the park is my favorite, but there are some good rides in the new parts. I can't wait to take him there. It'll be so much fun!

I'm going to lunch and a movie with Maria on Friday and I can't wait! She's so much fun and for someone I haven't known all that long, I'm really getting close to her. There's something about her that I know I can trust and I know that she cares. She's genuine. I've watched her througout higschool and couldn't ever decide what I thought of her. She was nice, but she was part of the click, so I couldn't ever get to know her. It was kind of weird too, because I'd see her hurting and wanted so badly to help her but I didn't do anything because I figured she wouldn't talk to me. I'd ask her if she was ok and she'd give the whole I'm-saying-yes-just-to-be-polite gig and I'd move on. Now she's more, how should I put this...outgoing? She was outgoing before, but now she is moreso because she is outgoing with everyone. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it doesn't really matter because I'm writing this for me and not you anyways. Anyhoo, I'm really looking forward to spending time with her and getting to know her better throughout summer and over the next school year. And I can't wait until Friday!

I found out that Josh may be able to start college as a sophomore...that means only three years of school and not four...that would be wonderful!!! Heh. I have my reasons...

I still don't know if I'm going to NCTC in the fall. My Mom said she applied for me, but I haven't gotten anything in the mail and I don't know when she applied because she didn't tell me when she did it. If I don't get in in the fall, I'll just go in spring. Maybe even wait a full year before going. Haven't decided yet. We'll see what happens.

Well, I have to go. Josh's family is going out to dinner. I don't really want to go...I've eaten out so much lately. But they don't have a kitchen - it's being remodeled - so they don't have a choice. I'm grateful to them, yes. Just feel like being at home. Tschüss!

2005-05-25T15:01:00.000-06:00

Leaving Me - Plus, "Housework? I Think Not"

Josh is leaving in 6 days. Tracy is leaving me in 9. I'm not sure when my other ex-senior, now college freshman friends are leaving, but I know that they will eventually. I cannot wait until fall so that I can learn to adjust to my life without them. Summer this year will be hectic, with my loved ones leaving and me having to cope, to seeing my other friends before they run off, to getting my own start at college and finishing my own highschool work. I can't wait for the monotony to set in. I need a routine. I don't want my honey to leave me.

My grandparents are coming into town this friday to attend my only college "to-do/celebration" and we have to get the house clean. My Dad's mom is coming in Friday morning and leaving Saturday morning. My Mom's dad and his wife are probably just coming to the reception. The thing is, the house needs to be clean. With my parents and I working, that leaves the boys to do the housework and if you know my brothers, you know what work they do (or lack thereof). William has actually done the most work of the two of them and they both have to be hounded if you want them to do anything at all. Grrness.

I'd better run. I'm going to go take a 30 minute nap before I have to leave for work again. Talk to you all later!

Tschüss!

2005-05-23T17:22:00.000-06:00

Senior Speeches - Plus, Maria Came!

Senior speeches yesterday night were interesting. I cried for my dear friends as they gave their speech. I gave my speech fairly early so that my parents could make it. I cried. It was...odd. I knew I'd cry at my friends' but I never expected to cry at mine. Maria came and that made my day. I love Maria.

Sorry this is so short, but I'm not really in the mood to write. I'll talk to you all later.

Tschüss!

2005-05-20T00:14:00.000-06:00

*Girly Squeal* - Plus, The Bestest Man Ever!

Sorry, Josh, but I have to brag on you yet again.

Monday, the day of our anniversary, Josh showed me what he was going to give me for our anniversary, even though it wasn't finished yet. It was a small ovular (word?) diamond set up above an oval of smaller diamonds below it, all set in gold. There were heart holes going around the side of it, and Josh was going to thread a small necklace chain through two of the holes and give it to me then. Well, he took it to a jeweler to see if it was real. The jeweler said basically that it's costume (fake) and that he'd trash the thing. Josh didn't like that idea. Josh had told me all of this and I told him that it didn't matter if it was real or fake to me because I knew it came from him and I love him and that's all that matters. His response was, "Yeah, but I want to get you something real."

Thursday night, last night, I invited him to come to SAPNOT. He did and when he got there, he took me outside to his car. He asked me if I wanted to play a game. He told me to stand there, facing away from his car, with my eyes closed. I made a joke that I was good at this game, even though it's the first time I'd played. After a few minutes, I feel his arms come over my head. "Whatever's on my neck is small - I can hardly feel it!" I thought as Josh latched the clasp. He got it latched and stood back. I asked if I could look, he said yes, and I looked down. A beautiful pink pearl with a small diamond on top hung from a small gold chain attatched to my neck. I gasped, he told me to sit in the car and use the mirror in the visor (it had lights on it - it was getting dark out) to look at it. I couldn't believe my eyes. It looked so beautiful, so small yet charming. So dainty and delicate, yet so me. He asked if I liked it, I said yes without looking at him. He said, "Good! Then you'll like these too." and out he pulled a box, from which he had taken the necklace, with matching earrings and a ring. My breath escaped me. I almost cried. I put the ring on and decided to put the earrings in inside since it was dark and I didn't want to lose one.

I showed Nancy, she squealed a girly squeal, which isn't Nancy at all in some ways. We played DDR and played with the four-week-old kittens. You should have seen the way Josh handled those kittens. Oh my gosh. He handled them more carefully than broken glass. The kittens kept meowing for each other and they all ended up with Josh and I. They all liked sitting on Josh's lap and one by one they fell asleep. He was telling me to talk quieter so the kittens could sleep. He had all five of them asleep on him. It was the most adorable thing ever! When he wanted to get up and play DDR, he gently set them one by one onto the couch, careful not to wake them. They lay there in a huddle, purring as they slept, Josh was leaning beside them, his arms wrapped around them. Nancy told me that Josh was so adorable and Taylor said something along those lines. I said I wanted a picture and Josh chimed in, "On the picture you can put a caption, 'Jesus loves kittens.'" We all erupted in laughter. But we didn't wake the kittens! Lol. I have the most adorable boyfriend on the face of the earth!

I hafta go stuff my graduation invitations (my REAL ones!!!) now, so I'll talk to you schmoes later.

Tschüss!

2005-05-19T00:26:00.000-06:00

About Prom - Plus, My Wardrobe Malfunction

Prom was AMAZING!!! I have the best boyfriend in the world! He picked me up at my house, we took pictures there, then we went to his house and took pictures there. We went to the Grotto for dinner (REALLY good food) and then we went to prom.

Prom was amazing. I'm not a big Mardi Gras fan, but they had everything decorated beautifully! They had good food, or at least it appeared to be, I didn't eat - I was stuffed from dinner. They had a chocolate fountain, which I did partake of, and it was really good. I took pictures of Josh's (and my) friends and have a camera full of pictures.

Dancing was so much fun! Josh is a very good dancer (he said he couldn't dance - bah!) and we danced the place up! While we were dancing my dress broke (one half of the clasp that holds the zipper closed came off), but I had Rachel Forrest and Anna Warren fix it for me. I was good the rest of the night! No more "wardrobe malfunctions!"

We went to a party at FMHS and it was so much fun. Josh and I made wax hands together - he's keeping it at my insistance.

I hafta run to work now. I'd write more, but I don't have time. Talk to you later!

Tschüss!

2005-05-17T10:28:00.000-06:00

Ten Days - Plus, Things Will Be Rough

Ten days. I have ten days left with him here. I think I'm going to die. This is going to be hard.

2005-05-16T23:59:00.000-06:00

One Year Ago

One year ago I never saw it coming.

One year ago I couldn't believe it was him.

One year ago I swore I would tell him...eventually.

One year ago my dreams from Middle School came true.

One year ago he got up all his courage.

One year ago he let down his guard.

One year ago the sweetest kiss to touch my lips was given to me.

One year ago we stayed up until 2:00 am.

One year ago we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

One year ago I never saw it coming.

Thank you, Josh, for a wonderful year. I learned so much from you. I have grown because of you, I have matured because of you. I have laughed and I have cried because of you. You show me life through logic's eyes, and even though it isn't always the most comforting, it always intrigues me and teaches me. You show me the life of a very intelligent man and how even really smart people can cut up and be dorks. You give me peace and comfort when I refuse to take it from anyone else. You give me strength when I need it most, you give me your open arms, gentle touch, and listening ears when I'm sad. You talk me through things time and time again, sometimes I'm just being stubborn and refuse to listen. You calm me down when I hype myself up, you make me smile when I insist on being angry. You help me know my God. You fill my life with love, happiness and strength, and I owe you so much for that. Thank you, Josh. I love you so much. Like you said, "One down, many more to go!"

Tschüss!

2005-05-15T13:23:00.000-06:00

Prom - Plus, Short but Sweet

Oh my gosh! Holy cow! Whatever I said about Josh from Evening With the Stars is so insignificant now... He has totally outdone himself this time. He showed up at my house in the most gorgeous suit and tie. His colors were silver and black and they went very well with the boutinnere that I made him...I picked his favorite color rose - Fire and Ice - he loved it. We had a hard time pinning it on though, we (my Mom and I - the ones pinning it on) didn't realize that his pocket was fake. Heh. We got it though, so it's all good.

The dance itself was wonderful. Short, but wonderful.

I'll update more later - breakfast/lunch/dinner/food/dessert/meal is here...and I'm hungry.

Tschuess

2005-05-12T00:13:00.000-06:00

So Excited! - Plus, Making Memories

I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT PROM!!!!! I made a nail appointment yesterday and I can't wait. Lara's going to do my hair. I'm going to buy the perfume I've wanted ever since I smelled it. I'm making Josh's boutonniere. I'm fixing the bow on my dress. I'm hoping that my non-floatiness with my dress (it's a little too short) won't look as dorky as I feel like it does. I can't wait to see him. I can't wait to see the look on his face. I can't wait to dance with him. I am so freaking excited.

And guess what? I'M GETTING REAL GRADUATION INVITATIONS AND A TASSLE AND A DIPLOMA AND MAYBE EVEN A DRESS!!! Heh, I've always wanted them. Even though it's just stuff, it makes me feel a little less left out.

What did you think about my poem? It's the first one I've ever written. It just came to me. I know it sounds wierd, I think it does when people say that, but there's no other way to say it, you know? I hope you like it. I think I'm going to write it in calligraphy and put it on the art wall in church.

I hafta go get ready to leave for work. I get to VA today and tomorrow and that makes me happy. No kennels means happy Julie. Hooray.

Tschüss!

2005-05-10T22:30:00.000-06:00

Random Poem

The rain falls like the flakes in a blizzard.
Tears roll down her cheeks.
The rain comes and no one knows why she hurts so.
So introverted, she keeps her thoughts inside.
She feels like she’s the only one.
The pain she feels will never leave,
The torment, the battle, it will always be…
Or so she believes.
If only she knew how much I care,
If only she knew the love I have for her.
Hot tears run over the dried paths of the tears before,
Renewing her soft, wet cheeks.
The tears dry and become crusted, clinging to her beautiful face.
Then the new ones come, hotter and more bitter than the last.
It hurts me so, to see her suffer, I reach out my hand.
She knows I’m always there, though not always seen.
She wants so desperately to come, but bitterness holds her back.
Why she doesn’t come, I don’t know. I know she loves me.
She knows I’m here, she knows what I’ve done for her.
Days go by, wishing for something to happen.
Finally she lets go.
With her tear-stained face and her glossy, red eyes, she looks at me.
She gets up off her knees and stands.
Pathetic and miserable, she looks down again and walks towards me.
As she leans into my chest, my arms wrap around her.
Fresh, hot tears roll down her already drenched face.
She says, “God, help me.”
I pull her chin up, her eyes fix on mine.
“I’ve got you, baby. There’s no need to worry.”
She finally relaxes and wraps her arms around me.
The rain pours down around us, with no end in sight.
Though everything is still there, all the problems, perils, and such,
She knows she’s safe in my arms.
She lets her guard down and lets me inside.

2005-05-10T10:33:00.000-06:00

Stuff - Plus, Prom's Almost Here!!!

Sorry about that last post - wasn't in the best mood then.

Sunday was so much fun! I sang in all four services on my own mike without my Mom on stage (a first for me). It was great fun. I really enjoyed it. Sunday night's group was small. It was only Chad, Josh, John and I. We went to Arby's. We were going to go see Shaye and her new apartment, but there wouldn't be enough time for Josh to take us back to the church and get home on time if we did, so we just called it a night early.

Monday I stayed home from work because I wasn't feeling good. I was dizzy and nauseated, feeling feverish and having an off and on headache. Mom took my temperature and I was actually under what my normal temp is. My normal temp is average, 98.6. When we took my temp, it was 97.6. I stayed awake for a while, hoping that the feelings would go away. They didn't, so I called work and told them I wouldn't be in for the day. I went back to sleep at 6:30, woke up and called work at 7:30, went back to sleep, and didn't wake until 4:30 when Josh called after school. I haven't slept that long since I was a newborn. Even in midschool when I had been up for 36+ hours, I still only slept for 9. I feel better now, though, and plan on going to work Wednesday morning as scheduled.

Prom is this weekend and I am so pumped about it! It's going to be a great, great night! My Saturday is full. From nail appointments to Lara doing my hair, taking pictures, eating dinner, the prom itself, Midnight Madness afterwards, and then church Sunday morning... *whew* This is going to be great! My dress is pretty, my hair's going to be pretty, my face is going to be pretty...I'm going to look like a girl. It's going to be great!!! And there's this perfume that I'm going to get that smells incredible! It's called Amore Amore and it's the most wonderful thing i've ever smelled! And it's really potent, so you only need a little bit when you wear it, making it last a lot longer! So now I'll not only look good, I'll smell good too! Hah, so excited!!!

Monday is a big day too. There's nothing planned for it in particular, but it's a very special day. Monday, May 16th, is Josh's and my one year anniversary, our True Anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year. We've been through a lot, an awful lot. I only hope that this is the first of many years to be put under our belts. *sigh of content* I don't know where I'd be without him. I love him so much.

I found out last night that Sarah really does like me! He actually prefered being with me than anyone else! I'd give him to my Mom and he'd immediately start making noise, and when I walked by, he'd watch me and when I got close enough for him to get on my shoulder, he hopped right over! He he...I like having my bird like me. It makes me even more happier. He he he.

I'd better go now. Got stuff to do around the house. Later days! Tschüss!

2005-05-07T21:07:00.000-06:00

So It's Been A Week - Plus, Quit Complaining

Don't really feel like talking right now. Things were going fine, then my mother ruined it all. Again.

Bitterness.

Now you can't complain that I haven't updated.

Tschüss.

2005-04-29T11:11:00.000-06:00

Amazing Evening - Plus, Thanks To You

"Holy cow he's gorgeous!"
This was the first thing that came to mind as he walked down the stairs in his black suit and coat with pink shirt underneath, carrying his shoes and socks, his hair floating around his face, his big, brown eyes beaming with excitement. As he walked down you could tell as the smile spread across his face, the look of awe in his eyes that he had seen the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen...me. And he told me so all night long. We had play fights over who was more gorgeous (he won with sublime) but I knew who really was. It wasn't the suit, it wasn't the pink shirt. It wasn't the shoes, or even the cologne. It was him. He has a way of being absolutely stunning in nothing but a simple t-shirt and jeans. He knocks the wind out of me with his sheer presence every time i see him, but you get him all dressed up and he takes my breath away. I could have stared at him for hours...oh wait...I did.

Last night was amazing. The Evening With the Stars was incredible. A lot of Josh's friends were there, I recognized a lot of people, one person I almost dare to call my friend was there. A few girls I know from church were there for choir, they did swimmingly. All of the students that walked across that stage were beautiful. All of the parents in the room were proud. There was an odd air of proudness and happpiness mixed with sadness and longing, all mixed in with the formality of the entire evening. The students acknowledged their favorite teachers and it almost made me cry. The evening was beautiful, almost miraculous in a way. I am so proud of Josh. He has done so much in his four years of highschool. He deserved that night. I'm certainly not going to forget this, and neither will he, I'm sure.

Special thanks to Julie Zepp for helping me get ready to be beautiful for Josh. Thanks to Lara for lending me her jewelry. Thanks to Todd and Sandy for being the wonderful parents of one of the biggest people in my life. Thanks to Lindsey and Austin for helping Josh grow and for giving him your companionship. Most thanks to you Josh, for inspiring me, for teaching me, for encouraging me, for helping me grow and mature. You are beautiful and I love you very much.

Tschüss.

2005-04-28T11:50:00.000-06:00

Long Time, No Post - Plus, Excitement For Tonight

So I guess my job is taking up more time than I thought. I don't really have time for much of anything except for on my two days off. Next month will be hectic, I'm working some days that aren't in my regular schedule. A plus is that next month I'm only working every other Saturday. In April I'm scheduled for every Saturday - poo.

Other than scheduling, work is going wonderfully. I got to witness my first autopsy on Monday - that was cool. Saw two dogs that were in horrible condition and had to be put down. The one had spleen cancer (the dog we did the autopsy on) and the spleen was at least twice the size it was supposed to be on account of cancer (but i'll spare you the details unless otherwise requested) and this other dog had tumors growing from his gums and on his shoulder and had maggots living in his lower lip - we obviously put him down. Poor guy.

Sarah's being a brat. I need to have his wings clipped - he's not wanting to stay with us when we hold him, he just flies off. At least once his wings are clipped all he can do is flap to the floor.

I'm going to Mrs. Zepp's house today and she's going to do my hair for the dinner tonight. I was invited to go to an appreciation dinner for all the really smart people (probably just Seniors) at Flower Mound. Josh and his family are going and I was invited along. I'm so excited! I finally get to watch people (someone other than me) acknowlege him for how smart he is. Plus I get to see him all gussied up and such...*grins*

I got a picture of my friend Honza (or Johny in American) from the Czech Republic today - he's a cutie! Heh. He's a really cool guy. Cultural differences are fun to discuss, things like school systems and mundane things in general. He catches me off guard sometimes when I use a common American phrase and he asks what it means. He's really good with English, but some things you can't learn from across the world.

I had better go eat. My stomach is begging me to. Can't wait for the dinner - so excited!!! I'll talk to you guys later.

Tschüss!

2005-04-21T12:21:00.000-06:00

Bitterness - Plus, Weekend Fun

I go to him for comfort and all I get is the cold, hard truth. Ouch. I guess there is a downside to being a realistically logical thinker.

I went to the dentist today. *winces at the remembrance* I don't floss, so now I'm having to deal with the problems from that (cavities between the teeth - never heard of them, but they obviously happen). Grr. I hate the dentist with a passion.

Seanathan liked Grandma's pancakes.

I have a full weekend planned. Friday, I'm relaxing. I'm not scheduled to work, I don't have anything planned for the evening so far, I'm going to do my schoolwork in the day - get caught up and such, clean my room and the bathroom, the truck, Sarah's cage, maybe even give my dogs a bath. We'll see how all the cleaning goes, but I know I'll get my schoolwork done. Saturday, I'm working from 7:30 to 12, then going to help Lara get ready for prom, then going to dinner with Josh, then going to the after-prom party at Marcus (and if I can't get in then I'll go with the church group to Katie's), then either going home and sleeping or going to church and then going home to sleep. Fun, fun.

I have to leave for work now. Talk to you all later. Thanks for commenting.

Tschüss.

2005-04-19T13:16:00.000-06:00

Can't Figure Out - Plus, I Must Figure It Out!

As you all heard on Sunday, Josh got an intern job at UT over the Summer. I am so unbelievably proud of him - I can't believe he landed something so rare! He'll be doing what he wants to do for a living and getting paid well for it - the only thing is that he has to be at the school to do it (duh!). He'll be living in his grandparent's house in Austin all Summer, then move to the dormroom in Fall. This experience is going to be so good for him, he'll learn a lot and get experience under his belt. The only thing is that his first day is Thursday, June 5. He gets an entire week out of school before he goes. I'm so proud of him, yet I can't help but cry - I'm going to miss him so much. We'll still talk on the phone like we do now, but we probably won't see each other but every other week at best. That's what the plan was going to be for college, but I expected to have the entire Summer to spend with him before all that time apart. Now it's all been taken away. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I thought I was a lot stronger than this. I know it'll be hard, but I know I can handle it. At least I thought I could. Now only thinking about the reality of the future makes me cry. I savor every second with him as if it was my last. And he's not leaving for over a month! I keep telling myself to get a grip, but I can't hold on to myself for that long. In a way, I never want it to come. In another, I wish it would get here already and I could be getting used to it - there's four years of it ahead. I guess that's why I was so looking forward to this Summer. I hate that I'm so emotional about it, but at the same time I don't want to not cry and come off as heartless. I don't know how to deal with it. This weighs on me a lot more than I account for, I'm sure. *sighs, letting the tears dry*

...

My job has been going well. I got to VA almost completely by myself yesterday. I say almost completely because I haven't memorized the location of every single medication yet, and I'm still learning how to put different things into the computer, but those things I will only learn through doing. It's cool. My coworker in kennels is mad because my boss volunteers me to do VA stuff when my coworker has been trained in it for so long. I don't know why my boss does that, she just does. I expected to work in kennels for a while before learning anything else and she started my VA training and kennel training at the same time. I can't wait until I can do everything by myself. That will be an awesome day.

I went to Josh's today - he doesn't have to be at school until noon all this week because of TAKS, but you knew that already. Anyhoo, I went over to his house and we watched An Interview With A Vampire. Good movie, I wouldn't mind owning it. It has Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas and couple other famous people in it. I thought it was a very interesting movie - I liked it.

I really don't know what else to say. My idea for an anniversary gift got shot out of the sky by my Mother, who ended the criticism by saying, "I feel like I'm always bursting your bubbles." My thought was, 'That's cause you are, Mom,' but I didn't say anything out loud. I was smart and kept my mouth shut. So now I have to think of something else. I know the specifics, but I can't think of anything else that would fit them. Grr. It's always my Mom that pops my bubbles. I can understand why she's saying what she's saying, but if you see my point of view, what she's saying doesn't really affect anything. She has a good point, but there are ways around it, I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Well, I've got school and studying to catch up on. Oh, and thank you Seanathan for talking with me on Monday. Much appreciated.

Tschüss!

2005-04-14T10:23:00.000-06:00

Watching Myself - Plus, A Small Update

I've been doing fairly well recently. Haven't been quite so tired, I'm getting into the groove of things. I've also been noticably happier overall and I thank my wonderful Josh for it.

He noticed that I continually bash myself (I knew I did it, but not how frequently I actually do it) and it hurts him to see me hurting myself - whether I notice it or not. He says something everytime I call myself stupid or an idiot or something of the like and he told me that everytime I write in my paper journal to write down three things that I liked about myself that day. I didn't write anything down last night and when Josh asked me what my three things were. I told him I don't think I could come up with any, he told me to try while he was finishing up some things, so he hung up and gave me time to write. It took me a while, but I wrote down three things. I've been doing this for about five days now and I really notice now when I belittle myself out of habit. People holding you accountable really does something to a person. In a good way.

Work has been fine. I'm learning more VA stuff which is good; I'm able to help out more. I have to take a test though and I have to make an 80 or better to pass. Keep in mind this will be the fourth test I've ever taken in my life. I can see this becoming stressful later on. Oh, and I did almost all of the kennel stuff all by myself yesterday morning (I was supposed to do it alone, but the girl that trained me can't just sit there and watch, so she did a little bit of it). That was cool. I'm fully confident that I can do all the kennel work by myself. I could have done it my third day on the job, but I would have been slow and having to check the check-off sheet every five minutes. 'Sall good.

I'm going to hang out with Lara Friday night. We're going to go shopping. She's going to help me find what I'm looking for for Josh. It'll be fun, I'm sure. I'm pretty excited about it.

I think that's all I have to update about. I did find out yesterday that one of my co-workers (one whom I recognized her face and her name but couldn't figure out where I knew her from) faithfully went to JOY at Crossroads for years and years. It was great because we talked about Bible Study and books we liked to study and books we haven't studied. It was great! I liked this woman before, now I like her even more!

Tschüss!

2005-04-13T06:57:00.000-06:00

Rushed - Plus, Running For My Life

I feel so rushed lately. Going from work straight to everything else takes a toll on me. I'm lucky to have two days off, but those end up being the only days that I can get schoolwork done, and study for things like midschool and Wednesday nights. I'm so ashamed of the lack of Christian I've become and I don't know how to fix it. I've asked for help but no one has answered the question at hand. I'm getting tired again. I can't wait for fall - doing nothing but work will help. I hafta run to work now. Speaking of run, even in my dreams I'm runnin from people, and drama swarms through every crack it can. I didn't like my dream last night.

Tschüss.

2005-04-08T10:52:00.000-06:00

An Update For You - Plus, Ramblings From The Author

Work is going wonderfully! Yesterday was the best day by far! I did all VA stuff and prepared my first vaccination! It was great fun! I also got to hold my first two dogs all by myself - that was awesome! And, I got a knot and a bruise between my eyebrows from a dog. He decided that it would be fun to knock the kennel door into my face...so he did. Anyhoo, it was fun. Oh! I got a name on my locker and my very own box - very cool! He he he. I'm such a dork, so easily amused, all that jazz.

Josh and I are going out tonight. Not sure what we're doing yet. I can't wait to see him. He's so amazing. He's been my life-line this past week. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Senior speeches are in 46 days and I have no idea what I've learned the past four years. Well, I've learned a lot, but I don't know what I should pass on to others. I should start thinking about this or I'll end up doing it the night before.

You people never comment anymore. I guess if I had a life like you all, I wouldn't need comments. *rim shot* Lol.

Anyhoo...

Sarah's been a brat lately. I'm going to have Daddy clip his wings so that he can't fly off. He will sit there on your shoulder, he'll climb around on you when you're sitting on the couch, but if you try and keep him on your finger, he'll fly away. You try and go get him and he flies away. You put your finger up there next to him and tell him to "come here" and he has a cow and squeals and pecks and runs away. *shakes head* And he was doing so well there for a while! We'll clip him, get him retrained, then see how he does when he molts again and gets his feathers back.

Umm...do I have anything else to write about?

Three of my friend's lives are falling apart and I'm not quite sure how to help them. One of them has been that way for a while, the other two are recent. I don't know what I could do to help them.

I need a new phone. I can make calls, I just usually can't hear when the person is talking. It flakes in and out and can't be trusted. Also, the ringer is dead. Completely dead. If it's on silent mode, the phone doesn't ever vibrate. I don't know when I'm getting a call or a text message, though I check it frequently. So for those of you wanting to get ahold of me, send me a text message, I'll call you from a landline when I get the chance. Isn't it crazy how you can't get along without a cell phone if you've had one previous and now you don't? Grr-ness.

Well, enough rambling for me. I have errands to run and four day's worth of schoolwork to do, so I need to get on it. Talk to you later!

Tschüss!

2005-04-05T17:14:00.000-06:00

Work - Plus, The Stupidity Of Myself Is Unbelievable

Wow. My first day on the job was pretty good. In the morning I was working in the kennels - the job is so easy that I got done early while working with someone. In the afternoon I was trained how to restrain both dogs and cats with various holds - that was fun! Then I spent the rest of the afternoon observing the VA's (Veterinary Assistants) with the patient, client, and doctor in the exam rooms, and I got to watch and help hold in the treatment rooms with the RVT's (Registered Veterinary Technician - what I'm going to college to be). I'm going to be trained to be a VA, working with the doctors and assisting wherever I'm needed. It'll be fun. The days are longer than I'm used to - working from 7:30 to 6 or 7 three to four days a week, so that'll take a while to get used to and I'm tired from it, but otherwise everything's good.

Ok so, I'm officially the stupidest person I know. Yesterday, I'm in the truck, ready to leave work. I put the key in the ignition, the key won't turn. I tried turning it harder, I tried turning it in either direction, it wouldn't budge. I called Josh to come pick me up, I called my parents to come look at the truck and see what the problem was. They got there before Josh did, my Dad looked at it, and found out what the problem was. He asked me if I tried the right key. I couldn't think of why my Dad would ask me that. Mom said I was using the van key - by van I was thinking Clifford - then I realized. I was using the Beast key - the Beast is a Ford, just like the truck. I sobbed. I'm sure Josh didn't enjoy walking up to a tearstained, messy-haired, smelled-like-animals girlfriend. He didn't seem to mind too much though.

And this morning after I tried calling Josh, I set my phone down on what I thought was my bedside table and went to sleep. I woke up two hours later and decided to try and call Josh again, even though I didn't think I could get him. I look over and sitting there, of course, is my phone, plugged into the charger, sitting in none other than a half-full cup of honest-to-goodness H2O. I pulled the phone out of the water, fighting the intstinct to curse at my stupidity, took out the battery and watched the water drip out of my phone. A bubble appeared in the display as the water started to drain out and as I told my Mother what I did, I mocked, through tears, how much fun it was to play with the little air bubble in my display. My Mom has high hopes for my cute little phone. I don't. I don't have a very good outlook on it at all.

I only got one day's worth of school done today (I need to do one more), I have Midschoool to go to, I have to fill out my W-2 form with my parents after Midschool (the only time I'll see them today) and try and remember that veracity means truthfulness/adherence to truth.

So overall, today has sucked. The only times I've smiled today was while losing the real world in the "blissfulness" of the 1860's in Little House on the Prairie and when Josh called this afternoon and cheered me up. And just think, this sucky day is nowhere near over with. I'm just glad I have my girls to look forward to. They always manage to make me feel better, and they don't do anything but talk about themselves and their very-real Midschool lives and the problems therein. I love my girls, there's no doubt about that.

I have to go shower now. Maybe that'll make me feel better. *sighs*

Tschüss!

2005-03-31T15:37:00.000-07:00

I GOT IT! - Plus, Info On Keyboard Layouts

I GOT IT! I GOT THE VET JOB AT HIGHLAND ANIMAL MEDICAL CENTER!!! *dances around room* I GOT IT!

And Seanathan, Qwerty and Dvorak are keyboard layouts - we discussed this. Qwerty is what everyone uses (look at the top row on the left and read the first six letters - hence the name) and has always known. Most people don't know that other layouts exist. There are more than just Qwerty and Dvorak, but I don't know them. Huntinpeck is a version which the older generation is very familiar with and a lot of people use now. It's probably the easiest version to learn.

Gotta get back to work. Hope that satisfies your...um...curiosity? Seanathan. Talk to you schmoes later.

Tschüss!

2005-03-30T15:15:00.000-07:00

No time - Plus, Getting Faster

I feel like I've been running non-stop since I started working at M&A three weeks ago. I'm tired all the time and I'm behind in school and all my extra-curricular activities (three out of four of them have homework-type stuff). Things will calm down if I get this vet job, I'm sure. Training will be rough at first, but I'm a quick learner and get things down pretty quickly most of the time.

Wow - I've been typing for five minutes (in Qwerty-I'm very slow in it now) and I'm done with my update and with time to spare! I only have 10 minutes for break and I usually don't have time to finish my update. This means that I'm getting faster in Qwerty which is good - I need to be able to type fairly quickly in both Qwerty and Dvorak. This is good.

I'll talk to you all later. Thanks for reading!

Tschüss!

2005-03-28T17:11:00.000-07:00

Long While, Plus - I Might Possibly Have The Best Job EVER!!!

Sorry it's been so long. I haven't really had the chance to update properly.

I had an interview today with Highland Animal Medical Center (say that three times fast lol) and it sounded like Michelle was going to hire me today but she couldn't because she didn't know if any other people had come in for the job and she needed to talk to Susan. But Michelle took me on a tour of the place, she's basically going to train me, I'll basically be a VA (Veterinary Assistant) without the degree. It's one step away from Vet Tech - I'm so excited! I'll be trained to do all sorts of things like assisting the vet and the nurses in the exam room, doing bloodwork, holding down the animal while vaccinations are given or if blood is being drawn, things like that. I'll also get to mop and sweep, feed and walk the dogs, feed the cats, give them fresh water, etc. I'M SO PUMPED!!!

Work at M&A has been fine. Been making money. It ends in a week.

Sarah comes to me now without fighting. He doesn't fly away too much either - he's improving!

I'm glad to be home. Housesitting was fun, but I'm glad to have my own room, my own bed back. I like being around my dogs and bird, too. And my family. I like being on my turf.

I finally got the Unleashed and Hot Date expansion packs for my Sims game which I have been dying for for the longest time. The only thing is, I have a new-to-me computer and it's not wanting to install the Sims. It frustrates me. I'm going to have my Dad look at it.

Well, I'll talk to you all later. I'll try and update more often, I really will. Thanks for being patient.

Tschüss!

2005-03-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

Dates Are Fun - Plus, Big Girl Stuff

I just finished filing my taxes. Yay. *rolls eyes*

Today I had a date with Josh. We watched Saw - it's was good. It's about a deranged serial killer who never actually kills his victims, he gets them to either kill themselves or kill the other person. It's a really good movie, full of twists, and the best part is that it wasn't very predictable. It was good - I'd give it a thumbs up.

After Saw, Josh put in DDR and we played. He had me try some really easy songs on standard and at first I failed (mainly because it's different from light in a lot of ways), but then I kept practicing and I passed three different songs!!! WOOT! *dances around room*

I've been teaching Sarah a new trick and he's almost got it down. When I want him to come to me, I tell him "Come here" and he comes most of the time. Sometimes you have to chase him down, but he'll learn that he can't get away and won't even try anymore. I'm also trying to teach him that "Go home" means to go to his cage. That one's a bit harder to teach him, but practice makes permanent, and I'm not stressing about teaching him that one yet. I love my Sarah.

Oh, if you want to, you can check out the section in the sidebar called Art Gallery and look at some pics I found that I thought were incredible. I admire them - they are all wonderful. Wish I could paint/draw/take pictures like that.

Dinner is almost ready, so I'd better be going. Have to go wash my hands and such. I'll talk to you all later. Oh, please comment if you read this - I'm beginning to think that you all have too much life to read about mine ^_- Seriously though, comment. Even if all you say is comment. I'm getting lonely.

Tschüs!

2005-03-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

Work - Plus, Mourning

I am so glad that I don't have anywhere to go tonight. Sometimes I just need a relaxing night at home. It's good for me.

I applied at Highland Animal Medical Center in December and have been calling them once a month ever since. Well, it has finally paid off...Susan, the lady in charge of hiring, called me yesterday and told me that they have a position open. I called her last night but haven't heard anything from her. She has Fridays off so I couldn't call her today. I'll call again on Monday and see if she's there. I'm so excited - I really want this job!

Work at M&A is going well. I had a good day today. We got alot done.

You remember the friend I told you about, Tyler? I just found out that his dad died Tuesday morning. Is it strange to be crying over someone I never knew?

I was going to write more, but it doesn't seem important anymore. That, and I can't see through the tears. I'll be going...

Tschüs

2005-03-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

Work - Plus, Other Nonsense In My Life

This past week has been busy. I'm working at M&A again, not doing deliveries (thank God!) but working up in the mezanine building cabinets and making kits for USPS. I'm working with my Mom and we're having a blast! That's one thing that's cool about Mom and I - we make a really good team.

I'm having a hard time working and getting schoolwork done on top of doing things for my regular nightly activities, so I haven't found time to blog yet, but I'll work out a system and get back in the groove. *bows low* My apologies.

Blogger comments aren't working still - this makes me upset.

I'm house-sitting over spring break, so that'll be fun.

Oh! Last night when I got home from Bible study (which was excellent, by the way - Tim Stevenson came and we got to ask him questions and stuff) I noticed that Sarah was talking to himself. I went over to him, he kept talking. I stuck my finger up beside his cage and he looked at it, didn't back away or anything like he usually does, and he talked at it, then talked at other stuff. I went around to the front of his cage and opened the door. Sarah turned around (he was backwards on his perch) and looked at me, I stuck my finger in there to let him walk up on there and he did! He didn't freak out, he didn't run away or make threatening noises at me or anything! He just stepped on up, I put him on my shoulder and he was content! Later I let him walk on my bed (I put an old blanket on there in case he pooped or something) and he had fun exploring. I found out he likes to play with my markers. They're closed, of course. But yeah. That was the first time he came to me without any fuss!

Yesterday was my 10-month anniversary (10th monthiversary) with my beloved boyfriend, Josh. I am so in love it's not even funny. I hope I end up with this guy, I really do. Augh! I love him so much!

Um...I think that's really all I have to say. I'm reading through Job. It's very interesting. Sad, but very interesting. Job's friends suck.

Tschüs!

2005-03-12T11:29:00.000-07:00

Comment Please - Plus, My Special Birthday Shouts Out To Nancy!

Wow - the number of comments you guys give me is overwhelming - I don't think I can read them all in one day! Lol. Comment, people!

So yesterday was fun. In the morning I updated my blog and checked e-mail and got dressed and stuff. I left the house, got gas, and was at IHOP by 12:37. I waited for Seanathan to get there because I had to leave there at 1:00 to be at Josh's on time. While waiting for Seanathan, I called Josh's cell - no answer. I called his house and talked to his Mom, she didn't know where he was. So I stayed at IHOP for lunch. Patrick was there - haven't seen him in ages. It was fun talking to him.

After lunch, I went to Josh's and we watched Back To The Future - the first one. It was great. After that, I left and got stuck in traffic on the way home. Then I got stuck in traffic on the way to the Missions Fair at church.

The Missions Fair was ok I guess. The food, as always, is a smorgasbord of food from all around the world. It was so good! The Russian Tort was to die for! I saw Martin Rechnitzer, the AWANA (Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed) missionary, there. I hadn't seen him in a long time. I saw one of my girls, Alexis, and she and Emily made me a necklace.

I left the Missions Fair early, with permission, because I had to take John and Ryan to Ryan's house. I called Seanathan and he said that he and Tracy would meet me at Starbuck's on 407 in a half hour. I get to Starbuck's at 8:15, waiting for Seanathan and Tracy. At about 8:40, Dustin, Meghan, Jeffrey, Nathan, Dara, and Shelby show up (my TCBS crew), then Seanathan and Tracy show up five minutes later. The TCBS people leave, then Josh Crowder, Kammah and Shaye show up. The three of them leave, then Tracy leaves, leaving Seanathan and I. A few minutes later, we see Brent walking into the pizza place next door. So I got to see a whole bunch of people that I didn't expect to see!

I'm so excited! Josh and I are going to go to Golden China for lunch and then probably go see a movie. It's going to be fun - as always.

And tonight is Nancy's birthday party, which reminds me...

I'D LIKE TO GIVE SOME SPECIAL BIRTHDAY SHOUTS OUT TO MY GOOD FRIEND NANCY BLEDSOE!!! *sings* Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Nancy! Happy birthday to you!!! *uproarious applause*

I guess that's it for my update. Talk to you guys later!

Tschüs!

2005-03-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

Written Everyday - Plus, So Excited

I have managed to write everyday since the beginning of March. Let's see how long I can keep that going. Ha.

I really have nothing to update about.

Thank you to all my friends and loved ones (who are the same people, by the way) who have been there for me through everything. Josh, Nancy, Seanathan, Tracy, you guys are phenomenal. My deepest thanks to you all.

I'm really excited because today I'm going to IHOP to see Seanathan and Caleb and Marcus and Flower Mound people, then I'm going to hang out at Josh's for a while. AND, I have a date with Josh tomorrow, then Nancy's B-day party! SO EXCITED!!!

I have to go now - gots to shower and do schoolwork and such.

Tschüs!

2005-03-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

Living and Dying - Plus, Much Greatness, A Little Death

I'm dying inside. Each time my heart beats it hurts a little more. It's not hurting for me, either. Every time I look into their face, every time I see them. They are so miserable. You can see the inner torment through their eyes and whether they want it to or not, it shows up on their face. I almost can't bear to look at them, the torment in their minds hurts me so. The fact that it's even a question for them hurts me. God, why do I have to care for people so much? Why have You put them in my life, Father? I don't get it. I don't seem to be helping them at all. There's nothing I can do but protect myself from the blast. The best thing I can do for them is protect myself from them. God, You have blessed me with the gift of compassion, but I don't know how to use it. God, I'm stuck. I need Your help. Please help me.

But at the same time, things couldn't be better. I'm deepening relationships with those I want to know more, I'm furthering older relationships, too. A few weeks ago someone told me that I was their best friend...I didn't see myself as such. I'm relatively happy all the time, family things have been about average - not too much screaming at William to do his chores; things with parents have been fine. Sarah is Sarah, that's about all I'm going to get out of him for now. Josh is amazing as usual. I feel like I haven't talked to him in ages even though I spoke with him last night, well, sort-of, I was asleep. I'm going out with him on Saturday, then going to Nancy's birthday party that night. I taught on Tuesday and it went well, Josh, Seanathan and Lara all came to watch - thank you all again, by the way.

In almost every aspect of my life in this moment, things are going splendidly. In the one aspect alone, my world is falling apart, I'm dying. I don't know what to do.

I haven't had breakfast and my stomach is yelling at me for it, so I'll catch you all later.

Tschüs!

2005-03-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

Good Day - Plus, Stupid Quiz Thingie Below

I had a good day yesterday. I taught last night and the kids actually payed attention! Katie was telling me that her girls never listen, so this week she told them, "Tell me the entire story of Esther" and THEY DID!!! They talked about it and all sorts of fun stuff like that. Maybe I made the story stick with them - that was my goal. (I'm allowed to be proud of myself, right?)

Josh, Lara, and Seanathan came to see me teach. That was fun. Josh got there and asked me which girls were mine. I pointed them out to him (we were all sitting down at announcements) and then told him that he could say hi to them all and be introduced and stuff after I taught if he wanted to. He said that he would, but that he couldn't stay because he had homework to do. They loved him! They were all talking to him and he was talking back and seemingly enjoying it! It was so much fun to watch.

Here's something I pulled off of a friend's Xanga that I thought would be fun to do, for lack of anything else to say in here:

X - what you have done.

( ) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the United States
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
( ) kissed a stranger
( ) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( ) done drugs
(does taking a sip from your parent's drink count?) had alcohol
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) made out in an elevator
( ) swore at your parents
( ) kicked a guy where it hurts
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
( ) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
( ) been high
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
( ) done the splits
( ) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
( ) ridden in a taxi
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) stole something from your job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) been pregnant
( ) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
( ) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to a college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

Ok - that was...interesting. I'm still not satisfied. Must find something else to tell you...

I'm lost.

Grief sucks.

My friend Nancy rocks my face off. She's so much like me it's not even funny! She's much more beautiful than I, but that's ok. He he he. We have so much in common, yet we're different too. It's so much fun hanging out with her, and she always has an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, if needed. She's amazing. Props to you, Nancy!!!

Well, I think I'd better go before I drive you all to insanity.

Tschüs!

2005-03-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

Hmm... - Plus, Ramblings

No one comments anymore. Do you guys not read this or just don't have anything to say? It makes me sad.

I called the vet office that I wanted to work at and they said they already filled the position. I really thought I was going to get that one, too.

I finished my lesson for tonight last night. I'm going to suck. As usual. I'm hoping that Josh and Lara will be there. I really want them there - not sure why. I hope I don't freak out and shake because I'm nervous. I will, I just wish I wouldn't.

I got an e-mail from my pen pal today. She was my pen pal for about two years, then I didn't hear anything for another year. She had lots of stuff going on in her life and couldn't find the time to write. It was great hearing from her again.

I guess I'll talk to you all later. I have a shower to take and a lesson to practice - have to make sure it's under 10 minutes.

Tschüs!

2005-03-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sweetness - Plus, Funny How That Works Out

Josh sent me the lyrics to some of the songs on my German CD - they're awesome!!! Now I can sing along with the right words!!! HA.

I'm have a plan to re-arrange my room and am going to be working on cleaning up things here and there so that I can re-agrrange it later this week or next weekend. It'll be fun.

I'm almost done with my Esther lesson for Tuesday. The only thing that I found out that I didn't know before is that Esther's cultural name (the one she was known by where she lived) was Hanassah. Her Hebrew name is Esther. I would like to have found something better than that, but I don't know how to find something else. I just want them to remember the courage it took for Esther to walk into that room. I want them to remember how she trusted her uncle, Mordecai, when he told her that she had to break the law. I want them to remember how much she trusted God to give her the strength and courage to not only go into King Xerxes' throne room uninvited (which was against Persian law, for those of you that don't know the story) but to finally tell the king that his beloved right-hand man was the one who plotted to kill her and her people. I want them to remember that even though God is not mentioned once in the entire book that His hand is seen through everything. But I'm not sure how to communicate that in 10 minutes.

Something else that's cool - after Haman's death and the massacre of all the people that were mean to the Jews (by the Jews) Mordecai and Esther told the Jews to make an annual celebration of this freedom from Haman, they said to call it Purim (which means to cast lots) because Haman and his friends cast lots to see what day they should kill Mordecai on. Purim is celebrated on the 7th and 8th of March. I'll be teaching about this story on Purim - how cool is that?

Sarah's doing ok I guess. He's still not liking the whole being handled by strangers thing, but he'll get used to us. William keeps pestering him though...that only makes it more difficult.

I'm still bittersweet about the Easter choir rehearsals. I'm glad because I get to sing in the choir and stuff, it's always loads of fun, but I'm sad because I have to miss TCBS for three weeks and that won't be fun. I wish I could do both.

I want to go skiing really bad. Snow skiing. It was almost one year ago that my youth group was in Winter Park, Colorado, skiing up a storm. It was so much fun, and Josh taught Chris and I how to parallel ski, something I owe him bigtime for. It was so much fun skiing and getting to hang out and meet new people. That's where I got to know Taylor and Josh.

Hanging out with Chris and Ang on Saturday was so much fun! I haven't spent time with them in a while and am glad that I finally got to do it again. We need to do that more often, ladies! Chris and I went shopping and then we went back to her house and I stayed and had dinner with their family and then Chris, Ang and I played Nintendo until I had to leave. It was awesome!

Well, I have to go now, but I'll talk to you all at a later date, I'm sure.

Tschüs!

2005-03-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

Don't Feel Like It - Plus, Tschüs!

I don't really feel like updating today, but this in itself is an update, is it not?

Tschüs!

2005-03-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

Dates Are Great - Plus, A General Update

My date with Josh was wonderful!!! I went over to his house at 4:20 and got there at 4:45 (I hit a few school zones on the way over). I walked in, we went upstairs and watched tv for 45 minutes and then we all (his whole family and I) went out to eat at Mi Cocina's (in Parker Square). Then we went back to his house and played DDR. It was so much fun!!! Gah! It was great! Plus, Josh had on a new shirt and it looked really good on him. *grins* He's so gorgeous!

Sarah has been doing really well. Today, Dad got Sarah to sit on his finger without holding one of his feet and he didn't fly away! I took him from Dad and Sarah stayed put. We put the jungle gym back on top of his cage. I think he'll be able to get on there now. He's been on there for a good 20 minutes already. He's such a good bird when he wants to be!

I'm going shopping with Chris today. It's so exciting getting to hang out with her again! I miss spending time with her.

Please pray for my friend Tyler. His dad has cancer and has been having complications with it (paralysis and so-on) and they think it may be in his brain now as well as his chest. Tyler's 19-year-old brother is in college so Tyler stays home with his 17-year-old autistic brother. Tyler is 15. Pray for him - he's having a hard time, and pray for his dad too.

Josh is in Austin going to a dinner at UT today. I wonder what it's like going and visiting colleges and such. Josh has gone with his dad and last night over dinner they were talking about things they would ask the college, like seeing about getting cheaper dorms and the like. I'm sure they've got a list of things and hopefully they'll get all the answers they need. It's going to be weird next fall when Josh is in Austin and I'm here. It'll be weird knowing that he's not 20 minutes away anymore. We'll still see each other, most likely every other weekend and we'll take turns making the drive and whatnot, but it'll still be weird.

Well, I think I have said everything that I wanted to say. I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Tschüs!

2005-03-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

Responding to Brent's comment:

On Oscar night almost all of us highschoolers filled out ballots to vote on who would win each Oscar. There were 26? catagories to vote in. The person who guessed the most right won a $50 gift card to Blockbuster or something like that.

Out of the 26 catagories, my beloved only guessed one correctly, finishing dead last (for probably the first time in his life) out of who knows how many people.

Brent called me Tuesday afternoon just to tell me that. I thought it was funny, but apparently Josh didn't. Ah well. It will all be soon forgotten. That's my story.

2005-03-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

Yes! Friday! - Plus, A Foolish Mistake

Finally Friday is here! Can't wait for tonight. I'm so excited.

Something I've noticed...I've been seemingly snappy at people for no reason. I don't even know I do it until someone says, "Are you ok? You've been snappy tonight. You did it to him, and him..." And a few weeks ago I was told I was being snappy at my best friend (again, not knowing it). I asked her about it, after apologizing profusely, and she figured I was in a mood or something - she blew it off because she knows me, but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm doing it. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it if I don't even realize when I'm doing it. I'm so lame.

Well, homework calls once more. Can't wait for the weekend. I love you all!

Tschüs!

2005-03-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

So Pumped! - Plus, Nothing Else To Write About

I'M SO PUMPED ABOUT MY DATE TOMORROW!!!

There's really nothing else to update about. I could tell you about Sarah, but that would probably bore you, so I won't.

Tschüs!

2005-03-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

Ok...so - Plus, There's Squeaking In My Ears

Ok...so. I found out I'm teaching Midschool next week. I knew I had to teach, but wasn't sure what week. Now I know. I have to read the entire book of Esther (10 chapters) for background, but focus on chapter 4 where Esther goes into the throne room uninvited (which was lethal back then). I'm glad I've heard the story so many times, it helps. But I want to bring a new image to the story, something that will stick in their minds, some little fact of some sort or bringing the story into a whole new light, something that will make them remember the story just a little bit better. I'm definately going to ask for help on this one, I don't think I can do it alone. I think I'm more nervous now that I have to teach Midschool than when I was this summer when I had to teach the Highschoolers in Mexico. O_O

Ok...so. Last night after Midschool we went to Starbucks as usual. Seanathan was there, so John went over to him and talked with him for a while. Meanwhile us girls (Kaylah, Lara, Nancy and I) sat at a table and laughed. Kaylah and Lara would be laughing at an inside joke between the three of us and I would explain the joke to Nancy so she didn't feel left out. Lara was way stressed out and Kaylah was very tired so of course they laughed way harder and way longer than necessary. It was crazy. We had fun, which is what matters. I love those girls.

Ok...so. At Starbucks, when I went to go collect John because I had to take Nancy home, apparently Seanathan was giving John Bible homework. He is to read 1 Peter 4:1-11 and have five questions/comments for Seanathan on Thursday. As they stood up, Seanathan looked at me and said, "And that goes for you, too." My initial reaction is not to do it just because he told me to. I may or may not follow my initial reaction. Haven't decided yet.

Ok...so. Mom was driving by Lake Dallas Veterinary Clinic on Monday and noticed they had a huge sign out front saying that they needed part-time kennel help. Mom called me and let me know about it, she wrote their phone number and address on a post-it note for me. I called them Tuesday afternoon and the kennel manager said that I should come in to define the specific hours I can work (on an application) and that he'd take a look at it. I might get a vet job afterall! I'm going in today to fill out the application.

Ok...so. I am so excited about my date with Josh on Friday. We're going to play DDR, eat dinner, maybe watch a movie...just hang out and enjoy each other's company (and to watch me get whooped by Josh's 8-year-old brother Austin who plays on HEAVY!!!). I can't wait. I'm so excited to see him. He's going to Austin this Saturday for a college thing. He and his Dad are going. I can't wait to hear about what it was like!

Ok...so. My throat is killing me. I've been taking Tylenol every four hours (as perscribed) and it's still not completely killing the pain. Eating helps it go away, but I get full after a meal, so... I'm going to drink a lot of hot tea (Earl Grey) and some ice cold water, not at the same time, of course. Maybe the heat will soothe it and the ice will numb it. I don't know. It'll go away in a few days, I'm sure.

Ok...so. The holding treatment for Sarah seems to be working...sort of. He was very violent yesterday. He just wouldn't stop pecking. I think he's getting more comfortable in the house though - he keeps imitating his former owner's pager - it sounds more like a timer going off to me, but that's his sound. It's really funny. He'll go at it for 10 seconds at a time. He's a hoot. (or rather squeak)

Ok...so. That's really all I had to say. I'll talk to you all later. *waves*

2005-03-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

Update...Now! - Plus, I'm A Happy Girl

Hallo all! I'm in a fairly chipper mood today. I woke up early as usual, but this morning I was awake. Normally my alarm goes off at 6:30 and I stay in bed and talk to Josh until 8:00, then I lay there until 8:30, sometimes later. This morning, I woke up at 6:30, called Josh, he called back on his home phone, I asked him to call me on my home phone, and didn't hear anything from him until just now (he called from school). When I woke up at 6:30, I was awake, ready to start the day. I'm very odd.

I'm trying the "forceful" method with Sarah. What I'm doing is once I finally catch him, I hold Sarah against my chest until he calms down or until 15 minutes passes - whichever one is shorter, which is usually the 15 minute time span. This way, he's used to being handled, and he'll eventually get to the point where he doesn't run away from us when we try and hold him and he doesn't peck the heck out of a silver ring when we do hold him, he'll just sit there calmly, not squirming or trying to fly away. It may take a while, but I'm sure that time will come. He's doing better, he really is.

TCBS was fun last night. I met a really nice lady, got to know a couple of teens a little bit, it was fun. Oh, and I found out that Francie reads my blog...cool, huh? Hi, Francie! He he he. Sorry. I won't do it again. *tries to hide the guilty look on face*

I went to Lara's after we finished at Starbucks and I made her dinner, her favorite - Macaroni and Cheese - with hotdogs, and we ate and talked and all sorts of things like that. I washed the dishes when we were done and I tried to make her sit back and relax and let me take care of her and she did to a point, but it wasn't what I had in mind. Oh well. This is Lara we're talking about... ^_- I love you sis, you know that.

I talked to my parents Friday night. Took excerpts from my blog and printed it out for them to read on their way to their Bible study, that way they could read it, think it over, then talk to me when they got home. And that's exactly what they did. By the way, I apologize for seemingly ragging on my parents a lot. I was only complaining about my life, if I made them look bad to you, I'm sorry. They are wonderful people, trying to figure out this parenting thing just like the rest of the parents in the world. Anyhoo, I talked to them, it went well, and we're all working to make things better.

I guess I'd better go. I have to work with Sarah, finish eating breakfast, do laundry and schoolwork and so-on and so-forth. Catch ya later!

2005-02-26T00:07:00.000-07:00

Sarah...*shakes head* - Plus, Josh's Message

He still doesn't like me. He likes John and Dad (relatively) and Josh fed him and held him and stuff. Grr. I don't think Sarah will ever like me. :(

Josh is over right now. He's making girly giggles at Lara on the phone. It's very amusing. VERY amusing.

Well, I didn't really have anything else to write about but I wanted to update anyways. Talk to you shmoes later.

2005-02-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

Have you RACKed someone today??? - Plus, Stolen ideas

Nothing really to post on so I'll just steal a few ideas:

I was told to take something familiar, something everyone would know, type it out in English, translate it into one language, take what you get, translate it into another language and so-on, finally translating it back into English and seeing how different it is; proving that we lose things in translation. Here goes!

THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Translated from English into German, then French, then Greek, then back to English:

The PROMISE of ALLEVIATION I promise the alleviation in the flag of marquage States of America and in the democracy, for which it is, a nation under the indivisible God where with the freedom and the justice for all.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
An idea for a blog stolen from my friend who stole it from her friend:

TEN random things about me:
1. I like penguins
2. My eyes change colors
3. I have a male cockatiel named Sarah
4. I want to be a vet tech, wife and mom when I grow up
5. I'm a control freak
6. Pine Cove and the shower are the only places that I've found where can lose myself in God
7. I'm homeschooled
8. My shoe size varies from an 8 to a 10 & 1/2 depending on the shoe
9. I have a horrible or great sense of humor depending on who you ask
10. I'm taking German and wish to be fluent in it

NINE ways to win my heart:
1. Tell me you love me
2. Do little romantic things for me just because you can
3. Let me know (in a kind way) when I'm being stupid
4. Tell me I'm beautiful
5. Be supportive
6. Be respectful
7. Love God
8. Pursue me
9. Be your own person

EIGHT things i want to do before i die:
1. Hold/play with a penguin
2. Be as good of a wife as I can for my husband
3. Be the best mom I can be
4. Go to Austria, Germany, and New Zealand
5. Become fluent in German
6. Be a light for Christ
7. Hold my grandchildren
8. Have a female German Shepherd named Sophie

SEVEN things that make me happy:
1. Josh
2. All my friends
3. Penguins
4. Listening to my German CD
5. When someone compliments me
6. When someone asks me to hang out with them
7. Making stupid jokes just to see people's reactions

SIX things that make me mad:
1. When people react poorly/violently to the stupid jokes I make
2. Annoying people (mainly brothers)
3. Selfishness
4. Arrogance
5. Intentional hurting of other people
6. When someone insists on doing it the easy way instead of taking an extra five minutes to do it right the first time

FIVE things i'm afraid of:
1. Marrying the wrong guy and viewing myself as "stuck" with him
2. Being kidnapped and/or raped
3. Someone stalking me
4. Parenting my kids like my parents parent William/me and John
5. Tornadoes

FOUR of my favorite items in my room:
1. My Bed
2. Aaro (my pengiun that Josh gave me) [said like "arrow"]
3. My stereo/radio
4. My pillow

THREE things i do every day:
1. Brush my teeth
2. Talk to Josh (unless I'm out of town)
3. Pet my dogs

TWO things i need to do right now:
1. Do schoolwork
2. Work with Sarah

ONE person i want to see right now:
1. Josh
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of stupid jokes, I made one up last night. It's going to go on our SAPNOT t-shirts:

Have you RACKed someone today???
Random
Acts of
Christian
Kindness

2005-02-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

Sarah's Here - Plus, Talking A Lot

So last night I went to coffee with Tracy. She's amazing. I love her.

Seanathan was so bummed last night. I talked to him a little once I got home, but he still sounded sad. Stupid drama.

Sarah is as beautiful as he can be. No, that's not a typo, my cockatiel is a male and his name is Sarah - he came named. He's still not used to us yet (he only got here last night) so he is agressive when we put our fingers up to the cage, but he'll get used to us and befor you know it he'll be playing on his jungle-gym in no time at all!

Jenny came over today. We talked about lots of stuff. Pets, parents, boyfriends, school, all sorts of fun stuff like that. She would have stayed for lunch, but she had a meeting she had to be at that popped up at the last minute. Maybe next time.

Josh asked me out for Saturday. Don't know what we're going to do yet, but it'll be fun as always! Josh never ceases to amaze me. He's so incredible all the time. He's wonderful. I am so blessed to have him. I'm glad God brought him to me. And I'm really glad that he loves me as much as I love him.

I didn't do any schoolwork yesterday so I'd better get in there and do some today. Talk to you all later! Thanks again for putting up with me.

2005-02-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

Wakeup Call - Plus, Apologies From the Author

First, I want to apologize to all of you for letting myself sink into the hole of selfishness and refusing to look up and climb out. I put my blinders on and just stared into the mirror, only seeing my problems and refusing to see how many wonderful friends I have. I apologize for being so selfish and if I hurt you during this I really do want to sincerely apologize. I'm sorry I put you all through this.

I also want to apologize for being so rude in person. I was informed yesterday that I was snapping a lot to a specific person on Sunday. I didn't know I was doing it, and I apologize to you for doing so.

Thank you to all my dearest friends who pulled the blinders away from my face and helped me. Thank you to all of you who do care. I apologize for not seeing you before. Thank you to Josh, Nancy and Seanathan, who pulled me aside and talked to me. Thank you to Kaylah and Tracy, who are in the midst of doing so. Thank you Lara and Christina for trying to comment some sense into me. To my closest friends: I'm sorry I put you through this. You are all wonderful and I thank you dearly. I owe you all a big one!

Ok. *calms self down, wipes tears off face*

I don't know if I've said this yet on here (most likely not, considering my attitude previous) but I'm most likely getting a Cockatiel tonight. His/her (they thought it was a girl but now have reason to believe it's a boy) name is Sarah, she's only 8, and is used to being handled. Cockatiels usually live to be 15 or 16 so I'll have her for a while. Plus, she'll be my pet. Not my family's pet, but MY pet. Meaning, when I leave for college I can take Sarah with me. I think it'd be funny if Sarah turns out to be a boy - I'd have a boy cockatiel named Sarah. He he he.

I decided last night that I want Heather to do my Senior pictures - she's absolutely amazing! Aughk! So good! *does Teen Girl Squad's 'so good'*

Well, I must go shower and do schoolwork and such things. I hope this post is a lot happier sounding than the rest. Can't wait to see if Daddy brings Sarah home tonight!

2005-02-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

Why??? - Plus, Why???

Why do I have to be the stupidest person on the face of this planet? Why is it that after being so "good" all my life (wanting to do wrong but doing good because that was what was better) I am now faced with more rebellion than ever and falling into it little by little? Why is it that I have to be who I am? Why can't I be satisfied with who I am? Why can't I cry when I want to the most? Why don't I have the courage to fess up and make things less difficult in the long run even though I'm scared of what will happen? Why is it that life sucks so bad yet is better than I could ever imagine all at the same time? Why is it that whenever I have a good day my parents come home and ruin it all? Why is it that I have to be 18 right now, I can't be in my own house with the kids in school and planning dinner for when my beautiful husband comes home? Why is it that I can't be the woman of God everyone makes me out to be? Why can't I be the woman of God that God wants me to be? Why can't I be the woman of God that I want to be? Why are the simplest things in life so hard? Why can't I just live on my own, free of the burdens of parents - yes, they are more of a burden, more of a nuisance than help. Why is it that even though I know the answers to the problems I don't know how to fix them? Why is it that I keep myself from crawling into a hole and letting myself rot? Why is it that I can help others better than I can help myself? Why is it that no matter what I do I end up hurting someone? Why is it that the best things in life are often forbidden by people who love you? Why is it that I have to question my parent's reasoning on things? Why is it that even though I try and see things from their point of view this time it doesn't work and their reasoning doesn't make sense? Why has it come to the point where I have to tell my parents to tell me that they love me? Why do I set goals for myself and fail them everytime? Why am I so optomistic when I have everything against me? Why is everything against me? Why am I so negative? Why can't I sleep at night? Why do I stay in this perishable container instead of going home? Why does it feel like I love people more than they love me? Why is it that when I have a bad day certain people blame it on relationships? Why to my friend's friends have to be such jerks and make my friends miserable constantly? Why is my life surrounded by drama? Why is there no way out of this? Why do I feel so helpless? Why do I feel like I have to do all the work for anything to change? Why am I writing this instead of getting schoolwork done? Why is it that I let everyone down? Why is it that Target isn't hiring right now? Why do you have to schedule an interview for Chili's? Why aren't any pet clinics hiring? Why am I so immature? Why do I have to feel and think this way? Why?

2005-02-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

Frustrationen, Plus - Entry Auf Deutsch und Englisch

O.K., so yeah. Meine Eltern sind schlecht. Manchmal glaube ich, wie sie dort gerecht sind, mein Leben schwierig zu bilden und sie so mit unglaublichem Erfolg vollenden. Ich wünsche, daß ich wie "die normalen" Zicklein aufgewachsen war, gegangen zur realen Schule, hatte "normale" Probleme, die zum Gehen zur realen Schule gehören, hatte eine "normale" Familie mit einem "normalen" Einkommen...

Meine größte Furcht ist im Augenblick, daß ich nicht High School graduiere. Wenn ich nicht, werde ich versuchen, mich in der Blume-Damm-Höhe einzuschreiben (oder Denton oder Marcus, wenn es zu dem kommt), damit ich mein letztes Jahr von highschool durchführen kann. Ich Wille vermutlich (auf alles dieses) muß folgendes Jahr entfernen und nichts tun aber ganztägig arbeiten, um genügend Geld für Schule folgendes Jahr anzuheben. Mein Traum (ja, ist es jetzt ein fast unmögliches, Traum zu erwerben), soll zu NCTC gehen folgender Fall. Ha. Gutes Glück mit allem das, recht?

Grr. Das Leben saugt. Der einzige Grund, den ich nicht weg laufen lasse, ist wegen Josh. Er ist meine Stärke, meine Vernunft. Er erklärt mir was Recht ist und erklärt mir, daß ich falsch bin, ob ich es hören möchte oder nicht. Die meisten von was er sagt, ist was ich bereits denke, aber ich hören auf Leute besser, als ich auf mich höre. Für dieses danke ich Ihnen Josh. Sie lieben mich und Sie kümmern um mir, helfen Sie mir und halten mich, wenn ich unten bin, Sie anregen mich wie keine anderes. Sie wünschen, was für mich am besten ist und behandeln mich wie ich sind das beste. Danke, Baby. Ich liebe Dich.

Nr., Geld ist nicht die einzige Sache, die mich von weg laufen, Seanathan stoppt. Wie ich gerade schrieb, ist Josh das andere Teil. Ich habe "Freunde" auch, aber ich denke nicht, daß irgendwelche von ihnen die rechte Denkrichtung haben, zum zu bitten mich, sie nicht zu tun. Sie konnten, aber nur aus Ihren eigenen Gründen. So im Allgemeinen, Geld und Josh. Gott hat nichts, mit diesem zu tun. Ich habe eine harte Zeit ihn im Augenblick sehend. Ich weiß, was I "glauben", aber ich nicht denke, daß ich ihm glaube. Ich einmal und ich weiß nicht, warum ich nicht jetzt. Ich weiß nicht was zu tun.

Ich denke, daß ich Überprüfung selbst in das lokale geisteskranke Asyl einsteigen werde...

Sie wünschten mich nicht. Besagt war ich verrückt oder etwas wie der. * läuft in die Abstand schreienden und das Wellenartig bewegen Arme wütend über ihrem Kopf weg und laut lacht * j/k. Ich würde nicht lachen.

Ich fühle wie wieder schreien. Ich kann mich glauben, bitter zu werden, also hatte ich besseren Rückzug zum geistlosen Zustand, der mein schoolwork ist.

*TRANSLATION*
Ok, so yeah. My parents are evil. Sometimes I feel like they're there just to make my life difficult and they're accomplishing such with unbelievable success. I wish I had grown up like "normal" kids, gone to real school, had "normal" problems that go with going to real school, had a "normal" family with a "normal" income...

My biggest fear right now is that I won't graduate high school. If I don't, I am going to try to enroll myself in Flower Mound High (or Denton, or Marcus if it comes to that) so that I can complete my last year of highschool. I'll probably (on top of all this) have to take off next year and do nothing but work full-time to raise enough money for school next year. My dream (yes, it is now an almost impossible to acquire dream) is to go to NCTC next fall. Ha. Good luck with all that, right?

Grr. Life sucks. The only reason I'm not running away is because of Josh. He is my strength, my sanity. He tells me what's right and tells me that I'm wrong whether I want to hear it or not. Most of what he says is what I'm thinking already, but I listen to people better than I listen to myself. For this, I thank you Josh. You love me and you take care of me, you help me and hold me when I'm down, you encourage me like none other. You want what's best for me and treat me like I am the best. Thank you, babe. I love you.

No, money is not the only thing stopping me from running away, Seanathan. As I just wrote, Josh is the other part. I have "friends" too, but I don't think any of them have the right mindset to tell me not to do it. You might, but only for your own reasons. So basically, money and Josh. God has nothing to do with this. I'm having a hard time seeing Him right now. I know what I "believe" but I don't think I believe it. I did once, and I don't know why I don't now. I don't know what to do.

I think I'm going to go check myself into the local insane asylum...

They didn't want me. Said I was crazy or something like that. *runs off into the distance screaming and waving arms madly over her head, laughing loudly* j/k. I wouldn't be laughing.

I feel like crying again. I can feel myself becoming bitter, so I had better retreat to the mindless state that is my schoolwork.

2005-02-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Out Of Town - Plus, Huh???

Hey guys. I'm going on the Women's Retreat this weekend :/ so I won't be able to post until Monday.

Yesterday was good, other than having to fight with William. John, Wm and I all got the living room, kitchen, our bathroom and the hallway clean, I made dinner (from a cookbook) and baked a cake, all before the parents got home. Mom thanked me several times and she also gave me a hug before I left for SAPNOT - weird. I don't mind at all, I just want to know why - it's very out of character (as you can see from my previous blog) for her.

Well I have to go make myself some breakfast. Have a great weekend! Tschüs!

2005-02-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

Ich Möchte Deutsch Sprechen! - Plus, Parental Troubles

Ich wünsche, daß ich fließenden Deutschen sprechen und schreiben konnte. Ich habe eine harte Zeit erlernend, daß neue Wörter und er sehr frustrierend erhalten. Grr. Es war, also einfach zuerst und jetzt ist es, wie ich eine Wand schlage. Ich halte, an ihm zu arbeiten, aber für jetzt, frustriert es. Ich wünsche, daß ich zu einer realen Schule mit wirklichen Lehrern ging und reale Arbeit erledigte. Das ganzes dieses ist Mist.

TRANSLATION: I wish I knew how to speak and write fluent German. I'm having a hard time learning new words and it's getting very frustrating. Grr. It was so easy at first and now it's like I hit a wall. I'll keep working at it, but for now, it's frustrating. I wish I went to a real school with real teachers and did real work. All of this is crap.

I am so tempted to put all of my entries in German, but then you wouldn't understand them. Maybe I'll only put pieces of the entry in German. I don't know.

My parents frustrate me. They've been rude to me for no apparent reason and I can't talk to them about it because all they'll do is yell at me. I want out of this hen house. I want to be responsible for my mess and my mess only. I say that I'm tired of this house that we live in always looking like a palace for a pig and no matter how hard I try to keep it clean, it is always messy before Mom gets home so she always hears me complaining but never sees anything. And yet she still doesn't try and get the boys to help, she still doesn't aknowledge that I try.

I was told I was pretty last week by my Bible Study leader. I replied with, "Yeah, that's what Josh tells me." She asked if my Dad ever told me that, and I said no. She said that he should. To me, this is a foreign concept. Hearing my parents tell me that they love me and are proud of me, just hearing encouragement of any sort from them is rare. I have to do something extra special, like have the entire house spic and span when they get home, for them to say anything like that, and even then if they're in a bad mood or something they don't say anything at all. There's never a random "I love you" said just because they do. I know they love us, it just doesn't feel like it.

I hate the way my parents parent. I understand that they both have to work all the time to keep the bills payed but when they are home, they're grouchy and bitter, they come onto the scene with no knowledge of the rest of the day's events and just start yelling. Even when they are in a good mood, they don't do anything to help out, they sit and do nothing just because they can even though there's tons of stuff to be done.

Actually, that's more my Mom. My Daddy works on the cars on the weekends and on weeknights he watches Wm when needed and stuff like that. When Mom's home on a weekday, she doesn't normally do schoolwork with Wm (sometimes she does, just not on a regular basis), she just plays games on the internet all day long and then when she comes out and the house is a mess, she yells at us for that. She rarely disciplines Wm. She threatens all the time but she rarely follows through. It's gotten to the point where if she actually does spank him, he fake cries and doesn't change his ways. He's selfish, arrogant, and rude, he talks back to any authority figure (he gets away with it at the house), he is very smart, but he tries to con his way out of things. He'll sneak out of the house to play with his friends when he was told not to and then when he gets caught, he tries to lie his way out of it. It used to work a lot better when he was younger, but now it's harder for him to get Mom to believe him. He bosses people around no matter how old they are. He's very disrespectful. Academically, he's a year behind. I think if my parents put him in school, it would help him academically and perhaps rid him of a few personality defects, or at least let him know that he can't get away with everything. Afterall, what's going to happen when John and I move out? Who'll take care of him then? Yeah, he may be 11, but I don't think he'll be mature enough to take care of himself. Mom will most likely still be working to pay off the debts, so who will stay home with him?

I just wish my parents would show a little love every now and then. Have compassion, let go. Let us be who we are. I'm like a flower trying to grow, but there's a net on top of me holding me down. The weeds are starting to choke me. If I don't get out soon, I may do something drastic. I thought about running away, but you have to have money to do that (food and gas), something which I don't have, yet again because of my parents.

*shakes head* I'm going to go do my schoolwork and quit letting out my feelings on here.

Oh, one more thing before I go. Looking to the bright side of my life, my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months as of today. This makes me very, very happy. If it weren't for Josh and all my friends, I would have no light. Thank you to all those who are my light.

2005-02-15T00:29:00.000-07:00

The Best Valentine's Day Ever!!! - Plus, Other Stuff

I had the greatest day yesterday. This Valentine's Day tops the one in my freshman year when Lori and a bunch of others went to C-Mac's basketball game and out to eat afterwards (can you believe that used to be my best Valentine's Day???) I'm just going to copy what I wrote in my paper journal...

There is now no question in my mind as to how much he loves me.

Last night I got all dressed up in Lara's brown homecoming dress and matching jewelry and shoes, put on makeup, including blush and actually took time to put in on (for once), I drove to Josh's house as instructed and was there five minutes early at that. I walked in, caught him off guard because I was early, and sat on the couch like he asked. His mom informed me that we would be eating outside on the back porch. Josh came back downstairs and I found out that HE was COOKING me steak, baked potatoes, corn-on-the-cob, and a spinach salad (Josh hasn't learned how to cook yet - this was his first big meal). Then (when he had a break from the food) he gave me a perfect yellow rose in a box with four chocolate kisses at the bottom. I took him outside and told him to wait in the driveway until I told him to come over. I went to the car, turned off the dome light, picked up his first present and told him to come over. He got there and asked what I had behind my back. I told him that since it was Valentine's Day I wanted to give him a really, really, really big kiss. He awed ("awwwwww" to be used the rest of the entry) and got closer. As he did, I put the box holding a giant Hershey's kiss in front of him. He took it, grinned, and kissed me, as I had expected him to. He asked, "What's that?" and gestured towards the orange rose I had waiting for him. i gave it to him, he awed and commented on the rose. He pulled back, expecting that was all and I turned around once more. I gave him the puppy and he smelled it, then commented that it smelled just like me. He also said it looked like a Chocolate Lab (that's why I got it for him) and he said that was the only kind of lab he hasn't had yet. We went back inside and then I sat outside at the table while he finished making dinner. Just before he came with our salads he put the outside stereo on the CD he made for me (it was the same music, not the same CD) and put in on my favorite song, number 7 - Mach Die Augen Zu, and put it on repeat. We ate the salad, wonderful dinner and rich cheesecake to none other than that song.

During dinner Josh told me that when we were done eating we would go upstairs to the gameroom and I could pick whatever movie I wanted to and we would watch that. After dinner we went upstairs as planned. I was standing there staring into space, losing myself in Josh's gentle touch when I finally noticed it: an envelope stuck between two DVD's. I pointed it out to him and he pulled it out, flipped it so the front was facing me and handed it to me. I opened it and read this message:

I wasn't prepared to be swept away... but the gentleness of your hand in mine, the passion of your caress, and the warmth of your embrace washed over me and carried me off to places I never knew existed...

I wasn't prepared to be swept away...

...but then I wasn't prepared to find someone as incredible as you.

Then he wrote:

I love you! Happy Valentine's Day Julie!! -Josh

I turned and hugged him, holding back tears. I hugged him for a while, I think it shocked him a little. He told me to pick a movie, I said I couldn't decide, and he said, "Hew about this one?" and right where the envelope was was perhaps my absolute all-time favorite movie, the Notebook. He pulled it out and I commented on the fact that it still had the plastic wrapped around it. He said, "That's because it's yours." I just looked at him. I was speechless. I was still having a hard time breathing just from reading the card. He unwrapped the movie and put it in.

We watched the movie and when it was over, he walked me to my car. It was a picture perfect evening. I had no clue as to what was to happen and loved every minute of it. He's an amazing man, a wonderful boyfriend, and an amazing cook (not to mention the most romantic guy on the face of the Earth).

Enough said.

Lara's teaching tonight. Can't wait to hear what she has come up with. She called me yesterday and I helped her out with a few things...that could be good or bad. :
Seanathan wants me to go to the lake with him and some other people tonight after school, but John and I have midschool to go to. We may end up taking SAPNOT out there this Thursday. We'll see.

Well, I have schoolwork to do and lunch to eat (not necessarily in that order - lol) so I'd better be off. *girly squeal* I am the luckiest girl in the whole world!!!

2005-02-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

So Excited! - Plus, Without A Hitch

Oh my gosh! I am so pumped it's not even funny! My beloved boyfriend Josh has planned a date for me for tonight. He won't tell me where we're going or what we're doing, he told me to be at his house at 6:30 tonight all dressed up. I'm so excited!!! Lara knows what it is and has been taunting me about it non-stop, not that I mind...I love surprises. I can't wait to see what it is!

Lara and John's date went without a hitch. It was so romantic, their spot by the lake. The table was beautiful, the candles were set by the quilt and in a walkway leading to the table - it was picturesque. And wow! Lara was gorgeous!!! So was John. He loved it, he absolutely loved it! I'm so happy for them.

Well, that's really all I have to update about. I'll talk to you all later, tell you what my surprise was and all. Tschüs!

My new favorite German phrase: Mach die augen zu und küss mich...

2005-02-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

So Pumped Because It's Friday! - Plus, Great Times Ahead

You heard it, folks, today is Friday! So excited for the weekend! Today I'm helping Lara with her date for John, then I'm going to the worship thing at church (Amie's amazing!). Tomorrow afternoon I have a date with my gorgeous boyfriend, and Sunday I have church. AMAZING!!! I'm so pumped right now!

John and I have been practicing all morning. I'm on piano and he's on bass - we're practicing for SAPNOT (our Thursday night Bible study). We had practiced yesterday before we went, but John only felt comfortable playing three songs and didn't want to lug the heavy amp for three songs, so he didn't play last night. I played, I was by myself, playing and singing, and Seanathan came over and sang with me. It was great fun. Just think, next week, John will bring his bass, then it'll be even better! Our favorite song to play is "As The Deer." Great song! Yeah, my pinky hurts from playing octaves all morning.

Can't wait for my date tomorrow. I hope we play DDR. I'm addicted and I've played once. Technically twice, the first time I was in Gameworks and was humiliated - the arrows were sticky and didn't respond, plus I had Josh on my right on heavy doing really well, of course, while I was stuck stinking on beginner. Ah well. I played at his house and started on beginner but it was too easy, so he put me on light. I did that for a while, got to where I started getting B's and C's instead of E's. (E is worst, A is best, just like in school - ha) I got my first A, so I moved up to standard. I can only play easy standards though because I'm not THAT good. I'll quit rambling about DDR now.

I'm excited to help Lara out tonight. I wish I could be there to see the look on John's face when he sees her all dressed up, with a hot meal and roses on the table, romantic candlelight, the whole atmosphere is overwhelming... *snaps out of it* Yeah. It'll be so much fun for all three of us, but the two of them moreso I'm sure. At least I'd hope that's how it goes.

I can't wait until I give Josh his anniversary dinner. That'll be fun. Can't wait. *daydreams*

Well, I've rambled enough for you people. Comment if you have anything to say. Or don't. Whatever works. See you shmoes later.

2005-02-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

Long Time - Plus, Short Update

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated - trust me, I've wanted to! The internet has been down for a week, so there wasn't anything I could do.

I don't have the time to update fully now, but I'll find some time.

Short points:
- Beauty and the Beast was incredible!
- I hyperextended and dislocated my toe on Thursday night, was on crutches. I accidentally popped it without thinking Saturday morning - it's fine now.
- Saturday at the mall and Bijan's was fun. I have good friends.
- My boyfriend is amazing.
- TCBS was awesome! My friends there always know how to make me feel better without actually doing something.
- German is going ok.
- Sunday was a great day! Woot Patriots!

The end.

2005-02-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

Long Day - Plus, There's More Than I Thought

Yesterday was a long day for me. Don't know why, it just felt that way.

TCBS was fun - my core leader wasn't there, don't know why. Nathan ended up messing up the muffler on his suburban because he jumped a curb. Jeffrey can drive now. Kourtney hadn't been there in a while because she didn't want to, the only reason she was there last night was because her parents were punishing her and making her go to church (which is wrong beyond all reason). My core group got the Bible Fist thing this week, I got to claim the prize - that was fun.

I went to Lara's after TCBS and Starbucks and we made two dozen Hershey's kiss roses while talking to her boyfriend John on the phone. That was fun.

I'm still planning a Valentine's surprise for my beloved. I haven't really told him about it yet, only that I might be planning something for then. He he he. Surprises are so much fun! I've got the general idea down, just not the details. This is going to be fun, for both him and I. Sometimes I think I have more fun planning these things than he does doing them, but I know that isn't true.

Josh came to church on Sunday. It was great to have him back. He came to Wingstop with us afterwards and everyone was saying how they missed him coming and stuff - I really liked that. I had a blast that day. He was happy, he talked to Bodnar about programming stuff almost the whole time Bodnar was there. I listened, fascinated, even though I didn't understand most of what they're saying. I have always been fascinated by Josh's love of programming. He loves it so much and he's really good at it. You should see the way his eyes light up when he wants to show me the program he's been making, or when he shows me the program he finished making and looks at me to get my approval. It's amazing to watch him work - if he finds a bug, he doesn't quit until he fixes it. It's incredible to watch, it really is. He is an amazing man. There are so many facets of his greatness, I can't wait to see more.

Well, enough rambling. To be honest, I didn't think that this entry would be very long, but I am pleasantly surprised. Hopefully you are too. Later.

2005-01-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

*Girly Squeal* - Plus, It's Great To Be Loved

HE TOOK ME BACK!!! *girly squeal* I was 99% sure that he would, but one never knows these things for sure, right? Oh my gosh! I am so wonderfully giddy!

That's really my big news. I helped Nathan and Kim move today - that was great fun! Lara and I put all the kitchen stuff away while Steve-O, Seanathan, Shawn, Brian, and Nathan put other stuff away. Oh, and Lara and I made Nathan's bed, too. While in the process of making the bed Lara asked me, "Did you ever think you would ever be making Nathan's bed?" I've known this guy since midschool - never once did I picture myself making his bed for him. Ha. It was a fun adventure, helping Nathan move and cleaning the baseboards for Kim.

Not much else to say - it was odd the way Seanathan didn't like, look at me or talk to me if at all possible. Huh...

Anyhoo, that was my day. I'm going out with Josh tomorrow after church in the morning. It feels great to be back - I love him so much. Talk to you all later.

*walks off stage with a huge grin on face, daydreaming and reminiscing*

2005-01-25T00:11:00.000-07:00

Anticipation - Plus, *sigh of content*

For now, life is grand. My happiness hangs in the balance, hinging on one single night, one single moment. As this moment grows closer, I get more and more nervous. I'm 99% sure what the outcome will be, but that 1% is nagging at me like none other. I will, of course, inform you of the outcome, perhaps on Saturday (the day after this will take place). I also found out something that he did a few weeks ago. He was tested, a hot girl came up to him and asked him to the movies. His response was, "No, I'm very happy with my girlfriend. I love her." *heart, melt, floor, bucket, mop, needed!* Yeah, needless to say, it took me a while before I was able to breathe again. I now dub him the most romantic creature on the face of the earth, and if any of you wants to argue with me, most of you know where I live, so get over here and we'll take it outside. *sigh of content* The 99% side is overbearing the 1% right now.

I'm in the process of cleaning my room (for those of you that have seen my room, it's quite a chore) and I got my first goal accomplished! I'm so proud of myself - I've even got schoolwork done on top of that! Woot!

Well, I need to go make lunch for my brothers, so I'll talk to you later. Einen schönen tag noch!

2005-01-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Fun Times - Plus, Teacher?

Today was a good day.

I finished making my curtains today - got 'em hung up and everything! I made them out of a bedsheet. I had so much fun making them and learning sewing techniques and stuff. It was great. Y'all should come over and see them.

It was weird not seeing Josh at church. He had homework I think. Can't wait to see him on Friday.

Seanathan was kind of down today. We talked for a little while while "our group" was at Kentucky Fried Bell (KFB for short)/Chicken Bell (whichever you prefer). I hope I made him feel better. He seemed happier at the end of the night, so that's good.

We may have to change our Thursday night Bible study. Seanathan won't be able to be there if we don't change it and he wants me to take over. I don't mind taking over and it'll be good for me, it'll teach me and stretch me, things that I need and would be good for me. So yeah. That'll be fun.

Well, I'll see you folks later!

2005-01-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Greatness! - Plus, Who Is the Holy Spirit?

Last night was great! We talked about the Holy Spirit, looking at a few different passages to see what He does for us. These are the notes I took:

-God=Speaker of the Word
Jesus=Deliverer of the Word
Spirit=Interpreter of the Word

~1 Timothy 4:1
"Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from what we believe; they will follow lying spirits and teachings that come from demons."
-The Holy Spirit warns us

~Romans 8:26
"And the Holy Sprirt helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."
-The Holy Spirit helps us, he intercedes for us

~Acts 5:1-10 (focus verses 5:3-4)
"There was also a man named Ananias (an-un-eye-us) who, with his wife Sapphira, sold some property. He brought part of the money to the apostles, but he claimed it was the full amount. His wife had agreed to this deception. Then Peter said 'Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart? You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself. The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. And after selling it, the money was yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren't lying to us but to God.' as soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died. Everyone who heard about it was terrified. Then some young men wrapped him in a sheet and took him out and buried him. About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, 'Was this the price you and your husband received for your land?' 'Yes,' she replied, 'that was the price.' And Peter said, 'How could the two of you even think of doing a thing like this--conspiring together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Just outside that door art the young men who buried your husband, and they will carry you out, too.' Instantly, she fell to the floor and died. When the young men came in and saw that she was dead, they carried her out and buried her beside her husband. Great fear gripped the entire church and all others who heard what had happened."
-The Holy Spirit is just (I didn't really understand this one)

~Psalm 139:7
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence!"
-We cannot escape from the Holy Spirit

~1 Corinthians 2:10-11
"But we know these things because God has revealed them to us by His Spirit, and His Spirit searches out everything and shows us even God's deep secrets. No one can know what anyone else is really thinking except that person alone, and no one can know God's thoughts ekcept God's own Spirit."
-The Holy Spirit tells us God's secrets, God talks to Him, He talks to us

~John 16:5-15
"But now I am going away to the one who sent me, and none of you has asked me where I am going. Instead, you are very sad. But it is actually best for you that I go away, because if I don't, the Counselor won't come. If I do go away, he will come because I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convince the world of its sin, and of God's righteousness, and of the coming judgment. The world's sin is unbelief in me. Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. Judgment will come because the prince of this world has already been judged. Oh, there is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. When the Spirit of truth comes he will guide you into all truth. He will not be presenting his own ideas; he will be telling you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. He will bring me glory by revealing to you whatever he receives from me. All that the Father has is mine; this is what I mean when I say that the Spirit will reveal to you whatever he receives from me."
-The Holy Spirit is our counselor, our truth, he speaks only what God tells Him and then tells us.

~Titus 3:5
"He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us a new life through the Holy Spirit."
-The Holy Spirit regenerates us, He gives us a spritual bath if you will. He gives us new life.

That's what I got out of it anyway. Next week we're going to be looking at what Galatians and Ephesians has to say about Him. This is going to be fun.

Ok, so yeah. Can't wait until Thursday.

Lunch with Julie has been postponed. We're going to have breakfast tomorrow instead.

That's really all I have to say. Later!

2005-01-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

Bible Study - Plus, Oh, Brother!

Last night at Bible study was great. Only 10 of us showed up, so we got to have a little more opportunity to give answers and learn a little more through rabbit trails and whatnot. It was fun, I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

I'm so pumped about Bible study tonight! I can't wait!!! We're going to study the Holy Spirit, try and figure out exactly what it is that He does and why He's downplayed so often in Christian circles. It's almost a duo with that little guy there on the side. We want to learn about Him and make it a true trinity. So, yeah. Can't wait.

My personal Bible study has been going great. I've actually opened the Bible and read everyday since I got back from Pine Cove. That has been a real problem for me - not reading the Living Word of God daily. I'm trying to make it a habit and so far it's going great. I'm learning some, finding out cool little tidbits, and fun stuff like that.

I'm still praying and pondering my decision. I have decided that if I still feel this way after a week or two (making two or three weeks of solid praying and pondering), I'll follow my heart and let whatever comes, come. This is advice that I've gotten from people that I've talked to, and after pondering it, it makes the most sense. I had that idea in my mind, but for some reason I feel like I need to be reassured in my thinking, so I'll ask people about it. My brother is behind me, so that really means something.

My brother, though immature sometimes, is the bestest brother in the whole, wide world and I love him to death! He really is a lot more mature than he lets on, he's really good at home (most of the time). Aughk! He's the best! I love him so much!

Ok, enough rambling about my brother. I'll talk to you guys later.

Oh, and go see The Phantom of the Opera - great movie. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it! Oh, and for those of you that have seen it, you could apply Christine's situation to my life somewhat - it's very interesting. Ta!

2005-01-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

The Bestest Day Ever - Plus, Friends Are Awesome

I had the bestest day ever yesterday! I hung out with Josh and talked with him about stuff and whatnot. It was great! I really feel like I'm in line with what God wants me to do - at least for now anyway.

I went to Lara's apartment and had dinner and a movie with her and Kaylah. That was so much fun! Plus they scared me half to death just because they thought it'd be funny - apparently it was because they didn't stop laughing about it for five minutes! Anyhoo, last night with them was great.

I GOT ASKED TO GO TO PROM!!! WOOT! I'm so pumped about it! It's early, I know, but I still can't wait for it! It'll be weird though, being where we were when we started it all. It'll be great though and I have no worries. Josh is amazing and he's a wonderful friend.

Just thought I'd let you know this: GOD IS AMAZING!!! He has helped me grow so much in the past week, learning to trust Him and be content with where I am and what His will is. He's helped me grow closer to Him through Bible study, which for the past two days I've studied the Bible just because I could, not doing a lesson or anything like that - my own personal Bible study; something I haven't done in a good long while (it's actually bad that it's been so long, but that's the saying and I don't want to confuse the few that read this by making it correct to the situation).

I'm going to go see Phantom of the Opera with Nancy tomorrow and I can't wait! I'm so excited about seeing it - it'll be so much fun! Nancy is the greatest, in case you couldn't figure out on your own. She's so wonderful all the time. God, thank you for Nancy!

I gotta go do schoolwork and stuff, so I'll talk to you all later. Ta!

2005-01-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

Pine Cove Rocks - Plus, The Next Week

Pine Cove was wonderful! I had my times of grieving, as to be expected, but overall it was the best weekend at Pine Cove I have ever had! We had random Bible studies all weekend long between my eight friends and I, I learned an awful lot from them. It was great fun.

I'm going to go see Phantom of the Opera with Nancy on Wednesday.

I'm going to the Bible study at Nancy's house on Thursday.

I'm meeting with Julie on Friday - that'll be fun.

I have a few plans for the week and am excited about each and every one of them. There's not really much more for me to say. I love you all!

2005-01-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

Tribute To Those Who Care - Plus, Problems Suck

Seanathan, you rock my face off. Thank you for all your help last night - don't know what I would have been like if you hadn't insisted on coming over and talking with me.

Lara, where would I be if you weren't there for me to talk to?

Kaylah, how could I live without your sound advice, multitudes of prayer, and ultimate friendship?

John, what would I do without a brother with as much courage, care, and sincerity as you? It took guts to do what you did and I'm glad you helped me get this train rolling.

The fact of the matter is, it's been a problem that I wouldn't let myself see at first, then as it got bigger, I got more and more worried about it, and now I'm finally dealing with this hurdle. It's race day, I'm at the starting line. The gun will go off at any second. My heart is pounding, adrenaline pumping through my veins, prayers soaring through my mind. Plans are running through my head, plans to run as hard as I can so I can jump over the hurdle. If I don't jump high enough, I crash into the hurdle and get hurt. If I jump over it, even if I land properly, I still get hurt from landing so hard. Either way, I get hurt and I'm preparing myself for it. I'm getting tips from my Coach, He's giving me suggestions. I'm trusting Him, doing what He says will be hard, but it's the only way to land with as little pain as possible. People on the sidelines are watching, waiting for me to overcome this. I'll be a better runner in the end, I'll keep running, but for now, this hurdle is the only thing keeping me from running.

All I can say is, to quote the greatness of Switchfoot, "Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago. I'm not who I was twenty-four hours ago." I'll put the song at the bottom.

This is a song, also by Switchfoot, that I have always liked. It always reminded me of Josh, in a good way - it made me think of me riding in his car, listening to this song. Good memories. Now, it feels more applicable than anything else.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GONE
She told him she'd rather fix her make-up than try to fix what's going on,
But the problem keeps on calling even with the cell phone gone.
She told him that she believes in living bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards and upside-down.

Don't say so long and throw yourself wrong.
Don't spend today away 'cause today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone. Like history is gone.
Just try to prove me wrong and pretend like you're immortal.

She said he said live like no tomorrow. Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge. Infinity.
Where's your treasure, where's your hope
If you get the world and lose your soul?
She pretends like, she pretends like she's immortal.

Don't say so long, you're not that far gone.
This could be your big chance to makeup. Today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone. Like history is gone.
The world keeps spinnin' on, you're going, going, gone.
Like summer break is gone. Like Saturday is gone.
Just try to prove me wrong. You pretend like you're immortal.

We are not infinate. We are not permanent. Nothing is immediate.
We're so confident in our accomplishments, look at our decadence.

Gone like Frank Sinatra. Like Elvis and his mom.
Like Al Pacino's cash, nothing lasts in this life.
My highschool dreams are gone, my childhood sweets are gone.
Life is a day that doesn't last for long.

Life is more than money. Time was never money.
Time was never cash. Life is still more than girls.
Life is more than hundred dollar bills and roto-tom frills.
Life is more than fame and rock-and-roll and thrills.

All the riches of the king end up in wills.
We got information in the information age,
But do we know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?

She said he said live like no tomorrow every moment that we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the God who's not short of cash.
Hey Bono, I'm glad you asked. Life is still worth living.
Life is still worth living.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are a couple more songs that have made me think. More Than Fine hit me the other day and I started to questiong what I was striving for. I then realized that I was settling for less than God had in store because I wasn't trusting Him at all.

MORE THAN FINE
When I wake in the morning, I wanna blow into pieces
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
When I'm up with the sunrise, I want more than just blue skies
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up. Not giving up now, not backing down.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by
More than fine, more than just ok
More than fine, more than bent on getting by
More than fine, more than just ok

When I'm met with the sunshine, I want more than just a good time
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
I'm not giving up, not giving up now. I'm not giving up, not selling out.

(chorus)

More than oceans away from the dawn. More than oceans away from the dawn.
More than oceans away from who we are. More than oceans, more than oceans, yeah.

(chorus x2)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TWENTY-FOUR
Twenty-four oceans. Twenty-four skies.
Twenty-four failures in twenty-four tries.
Twenty-four finds me in twenty-fourth place.
With twenty-four drop-outs at the end of the day.

Life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago.
Still I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago.
Still I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."

There's twenty-four reasons to admit that I'm wrong,
With all my excuses still twenty-four strong.
You see, I'm not copping out, not copping out,
Not copping out when You're raising the dead in me.

Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now.
Oh, I am the second man now

And you're raising these twenty-four voices,
With twenty-four hearts.
And all of my symphonies in twenty-four parts.
But I wanna be one today, centered and true.
I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
You're raising the dead in me

Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now

And you're raising the dead in me. Yeah.

I wanna see miracles, to see the world change
I wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling, for more than a cause.

I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
You're raising the dead in me

Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a great life, everyone. Talk to you all later.

2005-01-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

Interesting Holiday Season - Plus, It Snuck Up On Me

Wow. Holidays this year just haven't been my thing. I wasn't ever in the Christmas spirit this year. In between Christmas and New Year's was good, I suppose. New Year's...Was...interesting.

EEK! The grown-up world is coming at me faster than the speed of light! One more semester and all of us seniors will be done with our highschool days forever. It's a crazy thing to think about. I still have to fill out a FAFSA (financial aid form) and apply to NCTC. I'll more than likely be accepted, though I may have to take a test or two before doing so. We'll see. I don't really want to think about it anymore, I might make myself depressed again.

Josh hurt his Achilles tendon - he's got a doctor's appointment today at 11 to have it checked out. He says he may have torn it, which I'm hoping he's wrong because that would mean surgery and more usage of those accursed crutches. I hope it's nothing serious. I hope it gets better soon. I hate seeing him hurting like that.

I'm supposed to hang out with Seanathan today - we're going to Pancho's! He he he. He likes buffets. And his gay voice. And his EEK! voice. And his surfer voice. He he he.

So, yeah. That's about all I have to say for now. I'll talk to you peoples later. Did you know that people can be a verb?

2004-12-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

No Title - Plus, This In Itself Is A Title

So yeah. Group Dynamix was great!!! I had a blast playing with the kids, returning their funnoodle hits, climbing on the ropes course and whatnot. I have battle scars from the funnoodle wars - blood blisters on my big toes. One of them popped that night and I popped the other one at home. I didn't want it to burst on it's own, you know. Anyhoo, I'll quit grossing you all out and talk about something else.

Figaro is doing great. I took him out of his cage to mix up the sand and clean out his shells and such and I set him in a Mussel shell that I got in Oklahoma. Within one minute of being placed in the Mussel shell, he was all the way out of his own shell, dragging it as he crawled around all over this thing. I've never seen him crawl so fast. He kept trying to crawl out of it, so I picked him up and once he realized he wasn't on the ground anymore, he curled up inside his shell and stayed there. I finished with his tank and put him back inside. I may get some gravel from the park across the playground, clean it off real well and put it in a big plastic box that I have, put some Mussel shells in there, dish way and upside down so that Fig can crawl in and on them - make him a little playground if you will.

I wish I had a job. I want to play DDR so badly. So badly.

Well, I have nothing planned to do today other than the bonfire at church and Kaylah's party. I don't get why we're having a 45 minute bonfire with a huge pile of brush. I don't understand the logic. Plus a lot of people have parties tonight and such, I can't imagine there being very many people at this night of strange fire. You'd think there would be a better time for it. Ah well.

Well, I'm at home and bored. I want to go to Josh's house and see if his mom needs any help with housework or something. Josh is at Six Flags with JP, so he won't be at his house. I think helping his mom would be fun, though I'm almost scared to go over there because I don't want her to say she doesn't need any help, whether she does or not. I'll ask my mom and see what she says.

It doesn't feel like the year should be over yet. One more semester of school and my highschool days are over. Scary thought. I welcome the new year with happiness. Every day that goes by is one day closer to my dream coming true. Can't wait. Talk to you shmoes later.

2004-12-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Ouch - Plus, Things Are Rough At The Moment

I feel as if I've been hit by a truck.

Today we were supposed to go to my Grandpa's house, but Dad has the flu and they haven't had their flu shots, so they didn't want to risk it. I got to stay home for Christmas like I wanted, but I didn't like the way I got it.

Pray for me - stuff is going haywire right before my eyes.

Well, it's Christmas day and my heart is still four sizes too small. I still have what Brent calls the "Grinch-Heart Phase." I'm a wreck.

That's really all I had to say. Oh yeah. Happy Christmas.

2004-12-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

Snow - Plus, Crocheting Rush

I know, everyone will be posting about the snow, but I don't care because like all other Texans in winter time - I FREAK OUT ABOUT SNOW!!! Besides, I woke up in the best way possible this morning and it involved the snow.

I woke to a phone call. It was my beautiful boyfriend, telling me to look outside. I opened the curtains to reveal a shower of snowflakes, big ones, falling gracefully to the ground. I got to talk to Josh for a few minutes before he went to school - that was fun. He he he. I'm such a girl, but I don't care.

I've been working my fingers off getting Josh's blanket done. I only have one panel left and if I expect to give it to him when I see him tomorrow, I'd better hussle, considering I have to not only finish crocheting the last panel, but tuck in all the strings, sew the panels together, and crochet the border. The border won't take that long, probably only an hour, but still.

Speaking of which, I'd better go get working on it. I haven't had breakfast yet and it's almost 9:15!!!

2004-12-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

Does Evil Exist? - Plus, A Powerful Story

An e-mail that was sent to my Dad read like this:

Does Evil Exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question:

"Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes, He did!"

"God created everything?" The professor probed.

"Yes, sir," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course," replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

The professor spluttered, "What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact, sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again, you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by meant to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness the comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name --- Albert Einstein

Powerful story.

Oh - Josh got accepted to UT Austin!!! Woot! I knew he would, but it's stil so exciting!

2004-12-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

Bad Day? - Plus, Ramblings From the Author

Yesterday was quite eventful. I sang in all four services at church, it was great, and Josh and Seanathan came and watched me!!! Hooray!!!

Everyone looked down yesterday. Josh, Lara, Anna, Seanathan, Nancy, Trevor, John Nurge, me; the only person that looked happy was Randy. I don't know why everyone was so down. Guess it was just a bad day all around.

On an upside, I got to see a girl that I had in Cubbies when I was a Cubbies leader (Cubbies = AWANA for kids ages 3-4). I saw her, her brother, and her new little sister, and I talked with her mom a little bit. Her mom had called me about babysitting sometime since she lives 5-10 mins from my house. Neeya is the sweetest little girl - I've always had a special connection with her, even though she was four when I met her. I'm not sure how old Neeya and Ayden (?) are now, their little sister will be two on the 21st.

I had to be at a rehearsal for Christmas Eve services at 3:00 yesterday afternoon and after the rehearsal I had a few minutes and thought I'd sit down at the piano and play some of the songs I know from memory. My old piano teacher, Marcella Graham, had heard the piano being played but didn't know it was me until she walked into the auditorium. When she walked in was when my Mom told me to stop playing and take my stuff into the Shire (backstage). Marcella told my mom not to make me stop playing, so after I put my stuff in the Shire, I went back out and played for her. I played three or four songs, messed up on all of them but continued playing anyways, and when I was done, she told me to keep practicing at home even if my piano is out of tune (I had told her that it was horribly out of tune and I wanted to hear my songs on something in tune) because I have "the touch." I was blown away. Getting a compliment of that magnitude from a pianist as great as Marcella nearly knocked the wind out of me. I didn't think I was worth listening to.

It's funny. I only took lessons from Marcella for about two months but I learned so much from her - everything she taught me has stuck with me, techniques for holding your hands while playing to make it easier and less stressful on them, making music instead of just playing the song, things like that. I've learned a lot from her. She's an awesome woman and a great teacher.

I have four days to finish my blanket. I may set aside school for the time being (I can always catch up on the weekend - I've done it before) in order to get it done. I can't believe how long it's taken me - ridiculously long. I'll get it done, I know I will.

I had a great time at Tyler's party on Saturday night. I hung out with Josh and Philly most of the time, I learned how to play Mao (spell check?) by Jason and Allison's rules (I liked Jason's better - Allison penalizes too much, especially for newbies), I would have played DDR but I was having issues. It was great fun and when Josh took me home, Philly came with us. He brought a CD with only two songs on it, one Philly wrote and the other was from the movie Crimson Tide that Philly wanted to mimick parts from. Holy cow Philly is an incredible composer. He wrote what he did in only 18 days and it's phenomenal. Needless to say, I wouldn't mind having a copy of that CD.

I'm going to save my birthday and Christmas money (if any) and get an XBox and DDR. I want to learn how to play that game so badly, it's so much fun. I've played it once before (I sucked, granted I was at GameWorks and couldn't hear my music as good as I could have) and had a blast even though I reeked - I'm hooked. It'll take me a long while to save up, it'll cost approximately $200 dollars to get the XBox, game, and two game pads. Yeah, it'll take a while but it'll be well worth it, I'm sure.

Pray that I can find a job too, I'm currently unemployed and would like to buy a car sometime soon (putting my DDR dreams on hold, of course), put down some money for college, you know, minor things like that. Ha. So yeah. If y'all could ask me about how that's going every so often, it would be much appreciated.

Oh, and if you have anything to say about what I write on here, comment. I haven't gotten many comments lately and I'm not sure who all has been reading this blog. If you feel like it, comment. It too, would be much appreciated.

Oh, and is it wrong to wish the past had happened differently so that you could have opportunities now? Like wishing I had stuck with my desire to go to public school during summer of 8th grade year so that I could be in band and know how to play the trombone and do it fairly well and be able to play in the Wind Ensemble at church and play in front of people and in band at college...is that wrong or bad? There are other things like this that I think about...is it wrong or bad for me to wish things like that?

I'll let y'all go now - awful long post but I don't care. I'll catch y'all later.

2004-12-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

Lunchtime With Brent - Plus, Money Problems

Today I'm having lunch with Brent. Asking advice and such things should prove interesting and hopefully educational. I'll let you know how it went.

I'm still waiting for my Mom to get enough money in the account so that I can buy my Christmas presents for my friends. I realize groceries for the family are more important than buying presents, that's why I've kept submitting. So if you get your Christmas present a month late, I sincerely apologize - I'm going to get it to you as fast as I can.

I'm kind-of nervous about lunch today. I don't know what Brent's going to say and I don't want to make myself sound like an idiot or say something dumb. I prayed about it in the shower this morning - God will take care of it.

Hey guess what??? Progressive Dinner is in one day and a wake-up! Hooray! Can't wait! Everyone's going to look so good! I guess that's all I have to say for now. If you find anything interesting in here or have anything to note, please feel free to comment. Later!

2004-12-14T14:32:00.000-07:00

Waking Up Late Isn't Good - Plus, Both of My Babies Are Sick

I woke up late this morning and have been in an almost bad mood all day. Don't know why.

Yesterday, at about 1700, I woke up from my nap. I watched the tv for a half hour and then looked at the clock. It was 1730. I thought to myself, "If I'm going to TCBS, I need to get ready to go." But I felt like I was having to make myself go, and I didn't really want to go, so I caved and stayed in bed watching tv for a while.

Later on, I was helping my Mom string christmas lights on the poles of our porch umbrella. We made the mistake of not checking the lights first to make sure they worked before we strung them all over this thing. Only half of them worked. It was chilly out, and my hands had gotten dry and sore from working outside earlier, and I felt like I wouldn't be much help in finding the bad bulb if I was doing it half-heartedly. I went inside and asked John to help Mom while I started dinner and got a pot of water boiling for when John and Mom came in freezing. John came in after a while and I used said hot water to make him some Snowman Soup. When Mom came in, just before dinner was ready, I made her the last bag of the best tea (other than the Picasso stuff that Mrs. G had last year at Christmas time) I have ever tasted. It's Celestial Seasoning's Sugar Plum Spice Holiday Herbal Tea. Sorry, random tangent.

Anyhoo, for the first time in a long time, the five of us ate dinner together. We had a blast, laughed our heads off at stupid things (like how I was the best diaper exploder when I was little), and had all sorts of fun. It was great.

Even though I had a great time with my family, I still felt guilty about not having gone to TCBS. I don't know why I felt guilty, you would have had to drag me out the door to get me to go earlier. I don't know what's wrong with me.I just found out my beloved is sick. I'm going to see if I can go over there and help him feel better like he did for me. Can you believe that I was sick on our first monthiversary? What's more is that he came over anyways and helped me feel better! Isn't he sweet? I love him so much.

Lara is sick too. I feel sorry for them both. I'm definately going to visit them today. I'll talk to you shmoes later.

2004-12-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

Christmas Is In The Air - Plus, Can You Smell It?

Today was great fun (at least so far)! With a little help from my brother, John, and mother, i have decorated my house, deck and yard in all sorts of decorative lighting. It looks very good (if i do say so myself) - i can't wait to see it tonight, all lit up and such. You are all going to have to come over and see it!

Yesterday was fun. I got up, called my beautiful boyfriend, ate breakfast, detangled lights, went to the store to buy light clips and a one gallon jar of pickles for my good brother, (who has been 16 for two days now), showered, baked cookies, went to church (the speaker this week was excellent - very funny, something i like a lot), went to Sunday School, went to Josh's to give him an early Christmas present and his cookies, went to Wendy's (and Albertson's).

I got Josh a "Super Dooper Reindeer Pooper" jelly bean dispenser. I couldn't help myself - i wanted to see his reaction. He laughed. He asked why, but he kept laughing, so i think he's amused by it. He had some cookies, he liked them (i think). They weren't the best batch ever, i think i had too much brown sugar in them, so i would understand if he didn't like them.

Wendy's was fun. Seanathan, Shaye and i went to Albertson's to get Shaye some apples (we, of course, ended up buying more than just apples). By the time we got back to Wendy's everyone had left (except for John, 'cause i was his ride), so the four of us got into Clifford, our 1988 Chevy Astro Van, and talked and talked. We talked about all sorts of stuff, and we had a blast learning new things about each other and confessing our hearts (to some degree) and developing our relationships with one another. It was great! We talked until Shaye said that she had to pee, which was about 11:30, then we went back to Albertson's, went potty, and went home. It was one of the best nights i've had after church in a long while. Thanks, you guys!

I had a great time putting lights up today. Seriously, you all should come see my house! It's the first time we've had lights up in literally seven (7) years. I've lived in this house for 10 years. Hmm. Anyhoo, come see it!

I'm going to go take a nap now, so i'll talk to you shmoes later.

Christmas is in the air...Can you smell it?

2004-12-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'll Be Tired Later - Plus, Finally A College Choice?

He he he. I almost pulled an all-nighter doing my schoolwork yesterday. I didn't finish until a quarter to two. He he, nice. I didn't sleep very well on top of that, so i'm going to be one tired puppy later. 'Tis all good.

I hope everyone is getting along ok. I think i might know which college i want to go to (and realistically will be able to go, with some struggling, of course). All i need to know is if it has on-campus housing. If it does, that's where i'll apply to. And, it's only 3 hours and 12 minutes away from UT Austin! He he. We'll see what God has planned.

Well, i must go for now, but i'll be back later. Later could very well be tomorrow, but eh. Ta!

2004-12-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

My day has started off wonderfully! Thank you to all of you who have assisted me yesterday and today, and thank you Josh.

Wow, i'm in a great mood.

Progressive Dinner (for the mid-schoolers) last night was awesome! Only two of my girls showed up, but that's ok. They were beautiful! This was my first time helping out with the mid-school PD, and i had an absolute blast!

Thank you to all of you who encourage me, who inspire me, who teach me, and who are there for me no matter what. I love you all, my brothers and sisters!

Praise God!

2004-12-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Alone - Plus, Frustrating Internet E-mail

For some reason, me reading my own blog and the comments on it (or lack thereof) makes me feel alone. I feel very alone right now and I don't know why. I feel like I need to talk to someone, but I don't know what about. Very odd.

K, i just typed up this really long e-mail to send to a friend of mine (took me 35 minutes to type up), and i pushed the spell check button (because i'm and idiot like that) and my "session had expired." So yeah, just completely lost the friggin' message. I will have patience. *Have patience, Jules. Have patience.*

2004-12-01T18:10:00.000-07:00

Ah, Government - Plus, The Beauty of Cleaning

I just started taking government yesterday, and it's not really that hard (yet, I'm sure). I'm glad I'm taking it...I need to be able to put it on my highschool transcript/GED for college.

It's great, within the first two lessons of government, I've already surpassed the point I'm at in history - which is halfway through the history book. It's interesting how so much can happen in a country in only a few years. It's amazing how young our country really is.

Oh, this is great. I learned (in government) that the Pledge of Allegiance

was written in 1892 (by Francis Bellamy), wasn't adopted by congress until 1942 and the words "under God" weren't in the pledge at all until they were added in 1956. Remember the debate about taking the words "under God" out of the pledge? I heard people disagree with that idea by saying that "you can't change the original writings of the author, that's how he wrote it, and that's how America published it" when in actuality, that's completely false. The pledge wasn't adopted by congress until 50 years after first being penned, and it went without those words for 64 years. It makes me wonder...

For all of you who knew the condition of my closet, I have a surprise for you. The carpet is not only visible, but vacuumed. Yes, you heard me right, VACUUMED. Heh. To let the rest of you in, in order to complete this amazing feat, I had to sort through 11 garbage bags full of stuff (as in couldn't possibly hold anything more), plus enough loose things to fill yet another garbage bag. I have four garbage bags ready to go to Goodwill, and threw away two garbage bags full of trash. I am proud of my accomplishments. You all know how lazy I am and what it takes for me to actually do something productive.

Must finish my dinner now - Rasin Bran, yummm - so that I can go to Bible Study tonight. I can't wait!

2004-11-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just finished researching the colleges i want to apply to and am more confused now than when i started. I can't do this on my own...i need help.

I had a great lunch with Chris on Sunday. It was fun. We talked about stuff and stuff, i learned alot about myself - some i could see coming and others completely new. It was good.

Well, i have to go learn how to write an essay (any tips/pointers/help are welcome!), so i will converse with you all at a later time. Sorry this post is so short.

2004-11-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

Over The River And Through The Woods... - Plus, The Intensity Of Boredom

Going to Grandma's for thanksgiving. It's really boring there - small-town Oklahoma - but it's where my beloved Grandma lives. The intensity of boredom there is so high, you walk in the door and it feels as if the fun is slipping out of you. It's not really that bad, although it feels that way sometimes. I'll be taking a project to do, and i should be mostly done with it by the time i get home. If it's not, apparently i wasn't bored enough *wink, wink*

Anyhoo, i won't return until late Friday night, so the earliest i can blog again will be on Saturday, but i may not blog until Sunday. We'll see. Thanks for reading, and comment. I never know how many people are reading this. Or possibly the lack of people reading this...hmm. Makes you wonder...

2004-11-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

Best Anniversary Present Ever - Plus, Are You Who You Want To Be?

My boyfriend and i celebrated our 6 month anniversary yesterday, and it was a blast! I was to go to his house at 10, and then we'd watch movies and hang-out and eat and stuff all day. He showed up at my house at 8, came in my room to wake me up, then we talked for a while, then he took me out to lunch at the Olive Garden. We were celebrating my birthday too, and he almost had the waiter bring people to sing at me, but decided against it (phew!). Then we went to Gameworks and played. After that, we went to his house for dinner, then he took me home. It was a fantastically wonderful day!

There's a song that has been infecting my thinking recently. Here are the lyrics. Tell me what you think about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life
And today is all you've got now
And today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything that you dreamed
that it would be when the world was younger,
and you had everything to lose?
Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over.
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I think it makes me cry because i'm not who i want to be. My dreams are coming true before my eyes, but i am not who i thought i'd be when they happened. It's just made me think.

Seanathan and i went Christmas shopping today and for my christmas present he got me the book Bringing Down the House by Ben Mezrich. No, the movie wasn't made after it. This is about six MIT students who learned how to beat Blackjack and took Vegas for millions. Great book. I'll let you borrow it sometime - all you have to do is ask. But yeah. Shopping was fun.

Switchfoot rocks.

The end.

2004-11-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

Crazy Weekend - Plus, What Day Is Today?

I have a great weekend planned - it is very full and will be tiring, but i'm positive it'll be a great weekend!

Oh yeah, and TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! I'M 18!!!!!!! WOOT!

2004-11-13T15:39:00.000-07:00

Haiti Was Great! - Plus, There's No Place Like Home

Oh my gosh! Haiti was amazing as usual. It was fun yet tiring, and i was ready to come home by the end of the week. I missed all of my friends, and was so glad to see the few of them that came to the airport to greet me into my native country. I love you all - thanks for praying.

My internal clock is all messed up now. I've been getting up at 5:30 (and before, on some days) every morning the past nine days, and have been ready for bed, nodding off to sleep tired at 8:30 at night. It's crazy stuff.

You have no idea how happy i was to be in my own bed last night! I slept in 'till 11:30 and loved every minute of it! I haven't slept that well in a week! It's good to be home.

My parents are gearing towards preparing the house for selling. It'll take a while, but the sooner we start, the better. We have to go through everything and decide whether we want to keep it or not, the deciding factor being whether we will use it in Haiti or not. Yes, my parents want to move there - they have since '91. I can't wait to visit them once they move - i'll be in college (or out of it - you never know how long it'll take) by the time they move, but i'll visit them regularly. It'll be great when they do!

I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow - i can't wait! Bon Dye beni nou tout! (God bless you all!)

2004-11-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

Freakishly Long Time - Plus, Haiti Is Here

Whoa! Sorry i haven't written in so long. The first week and a half i really had nothing to say - then the internet got flaky at my house and every time i tried to get online it wouldn't work. I know, excuses are for losers, but i'm a loser, so...

Ok, to catch up on where i left off:

The homecoming game was intense - you all know the score.

The dance was incredible! There were some miscommunications leading to a couple of mishaps, but all-in-all the night was amazing. Josh looked more gorgeous than usual, and i felt like falling over when i saw him. I had a blast at the dance! I even ran into a few people that i knew! It was great!

SAT's: I MADE A 1080 ON THE SAT!!!!!!!! That means that i can now get into the college i want on my SAT scores alone! I'm pretty pumped about my score! I know it seems small, but for a homeschooled student that's almost a year behind, i think i've done myself pretty good! He he he.

And now for what's been happening recently:

I finally have the college that i want to go to, and two backups just in case. Here are my choices: 1-Palo Alto College, 2-Texas A&M University College Station, 3-McLennan Community College. Palo Alto and McLennan both have Veterinary Technology courses, whereas A&M only has DVM (doctor of veterinary medicine) degrees. Palo Alto is in San Antonio, which means that i'd be in an urban setting. I'd prefer suburban, but i'll take what i can get to get the degree i want. It's only two years.

I chose Palo Alto as my college of choice for several reasons. 1) It allows me the things i need to become a Veterinary Technician, 2) It's in San Antonio, only 1 hour and 29 minutes from the college where Josh will be going, so i can keep dating him and see him as often as i do now. 3) It is also 5 hours and 13 minutes away from my current residence, meaning it's too far for my parents to visit every weekend, but still close enough that they can visit every so often. 4) It is in State, so the fees will be semi-cheaper. These things have been the deciding factors in my college choosing.

We finally leave for Haiti in one day and a wake-up (as Brent would say). I'm mentally ready for the trip but my clothes aren't packed yet, so i'm not completely ready. I'm really having a hard time with the idea of leaving. This is odd for me because i usually am the one telling my friends to get a grip when they're sad because they'll miss their family and friends when they go on a three-day holiday. I realize that this is for 10 days, and i am going out of the country, but i didn't feel this bad about leaving last year when i went on the same trip. I'm sad about it already - i almost can't wait to get back from the trip just so i can see my friends again. Yeah, i'll probably cry when i leave, a mixture of the fact that i'm an emotional female, that i'm leaving on my friend's 18th birthday and can't spend the whole day with her, and that i really and truly am going to miss my friends back in the States.

Hey guess what? I turn 18 in 17 days!!!!! I'm pumped.

I found out that Stacy (one of my Haiti Teammates) has the same birthday than me. She's 11 years older than me. Stacy turns 29 in 17 days!!!!! She's pumped. I think.

I really can't think of anything else that's going on. Since i'm leaving Thursday and will be gone for 10 days, there won't be another update anytime soon. Sorry for not having done this earlier, i know how much my feelings mean to you *erupts in side-splitting laughter*. Ha. Anyhoo, enough making fun of myself. I have to go get ready for midschool now. Ta!